Just A Memory Now.

Yesterday this showed up in my Facebook feed memories from a year ago and it made me sad because it's just a memory now. I still can't believe both my mother and Buddy are really gone now when they were such a big part of my life before.  For the past few days I also smell a really strong smell of lavender( my mother and I both love) following me around, both when I'm outside and in several rooms in the house I have no logical explanation for( no one has any incense going for example) and it makes me wonder if it's a sign my mother's stopping by to visit and a couple of nights ago I also remember when I was up in bed my entire room was illuminated by a bright glowing comforting light pink light that also made me wonder if she'd came by or if maybe *I* was even given a glimpse to the Other Side?

It's also not sad because they're dead( because I know that they're in a good place) but because they're not here.

29 July has also always been a special day for me as that was the day I got my very first dog, on 29 July 1979 so I always wondered if I will die on a 29 July as well. It would sort of be an important symbolic day.

It was also only 11 C in Edmonton yesterday and this morning it was a nice fresh refreshing 12 C like fall which was actually nice(and I had my window open all night) but going up to 25 C but the next few days will be really HOT into the 30's and feeling like in the 40's, another heatwave coming and I haven't even seen the 30 YR old in days but at least the good thing is him and his GF aren't fornicating here and my "bad feeling" about her lately has only increased and gotten stronger and NOT got less over time like I was hoping it would, and he didn't go to work yesterday I was worried he'd maybe lost his job but luckily he's back today. The youngest also wants to study accounting and my friend F from grade 6 is an accountant and one of my mother's cousins was an accountant for the Mob and lived in Monaco, and one of my cousins in Europe her son is an accountant,too.

Me: math is the bane of my existance!😂

You got so used to pretending you don’t know any other way. So life has become nothing but a performance, and will be one until your death.-Chris Freyler