Benedict Arnold.

I should have named Beja Benedict.

Benedict Arnold.

The traitor.

I hardly saw him much all day( only 30 minutes!) as the 30 YR old lured him away from me again( he claims he "just follows" him when in actual fact he calls him and has him up in his room with the door closed so he can't get out) and I told him to stop stealing my dog and he can have him once I'm dead but until then he's mine. Besides, he already has someone to love him ( his GF) but I don't have anyone  that loves me except for my dog.

He's all I have.

Or had.

Yet the 30 YR old still always poaches him off me and now he pretty well only hangs around me if he's not around or if I have food.

I feel like I've been replaced.

Now I truly am and feel all alone.

Maybe I should get a second dog so that way when he's off with the 30 YR old I'd still have a little companion,too?

If he can replace me I can replace him,too.

I just feel so extra alone and sad today and really, really, really missing Buddy and really, really, really wishing he was here.

I want my best friend back.

I wish Beja could love me more but no one will ever love me like Buddy did.

I was sitting out the back crying in misery when my Angel Bird( the half red, half black cardinal) came up to me  and landed near me and as soon as it flew away a Monarch butterfly flew by.

It happened twice,too.

Once in the morning and then again in the afternoon when I was crying in misery and loneliness and feeling sorry for myself again.

There's no way that was a "coincidence."

It's a sign  I'm not truly alone as God loves me and has my back.

Today my stomach, back, and abdomenal pain is also soooo baad I wonder if something's about to rupture in here?

I hope so.

I have nothing to live for anymore anyway.

I also got these new Pringles chips, Indian-style Desi Masala Tadka but the container( as well as the chips,too!) is smaller than their usual ones and my FAT ARMS  can't fit in so I have to pour the chips out.

'Cause on the inside (on the inside) I know it won't last On the inside (on the inside) I'm an outcast.-Weezer