Set Up.

My hubby set me up!

He hung up his clothes on this makeshift clothesline in the livingroom (if you can believe it!!) and took a photo and sent it to all the kids setting me up asking them what they think my reaction would be when I see it, knowing that I would freak out, thinking it's tacky, low-class, redneck, trailer park, and Ghetto, like hanging your laundry outside, just like my mother always said as well, which I did (and I even threatened to cut it down,too) but the funny part was he actually did it the night before and I didn't even see it until the next day as I had already watched the news for the night and left the room and never went back so I never even saw it so there he was all eagerly excitedly waiting for my reaction and response and there was none because I hadn't even seen it yet or noticed, so ha ha on him! HA! Today is also Orange Shirt Day but no different for him as he always wears orange shirts every day,anyway.

There was also a bomb threat at a local strip mall here and it was evacuated but it was nothing, just someone being an asshole, and there was a bear at a nearby  Home Hardware parking lot as well, my guess getting ready for hunting season, ha,ha,  and Advil has this contest you can win free NFL tickets too and not only would I not even go if it was free they couldn't even pay me to go and someone named Bad Bunny is scheduled to perform as well and I have no idea who that even is. Is it some relative of Bugs Bunny, or what, and I heard as well Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco got married too and I'm over here like, Who the hell are  these people,anyway? I also call Beja Benny now as well, short for Benedict, as in Benedict Arnold the traitor ever since he sold me out to the 30 YR old and turned on me and now wants nothing to do with me anymore. and now I hardly even see much of him anymore,either.Now it's just like we have a dog in the house I see the odd time passing by ,not like with Buddy who was always by my side.

I also got more sunflowers(pictured here) and it's  hard to believe it's Thanksgiving in just 2 weeks as well (our first one without both my mother and Buddy and the same for Christmas,too)but I'm really not "up" for it and don't really even feel like celebrating or cooking and I think I'll just order the pumpkin pies from my friend's bakery. The same for Christmas as well; esp. considering it was just 3 days after Christmas that my mother died. It's also almost been 6 months since Buddy died and I realize I've only left the house 3 times.

I am not doing well.

Beja continues to be a little asshole as well; yesterday he wouldn't eat the meatloaf *I* gave him... but as soon as my hubby put it on his plate he gobbled it all up, so he just didn't want it from me ; he just hates me and yet I have no idea why. He used to love me and we'd connected and bonded and then he suddenly turned away and went off with the 30 YR old  and now ignores me and it really hurts. With Buddy there was NO DOUBT whose dog he was and who he loved most. He also has this toy I don't recognize(I assume he must have given him) which is an octopus only with one leg missing so I named it a septopus.

I also saw this photo and it reminded me soooo much of the "Preppy" boys I went to highschool with in the early to mid 80's; they looked just like this.😄My hubby also ruined my plans yesterday as well: I had originally planned  on trying to end it again, this time by electrocuting myself in the bathtub(so I could die in the water that I love so much).... and the timing was perfect too and I was supposed to be home all alone as the youngest was at his friend's house and the 30 YR old was out and my hubby was supposed to be at pickleball.....except it got cancelled for some reason.

Just MY "luck."

Doesn't it just "figure?"

As it turned out I couldn't find anything with a cord long enough to reach the wall outlet AND go into the tub, anyway ,except for my flatiron which I paid 200$ for over 20 YRS ago and I didn't want to ruin it, so I guess it'll just have to wait until a later time( and I really do also want to see how Tony & Ziva ends) and will just have to try again later and so I carry on and survive, just like I always have. I don't even want to bother going on a trip,either, as the hassle of  planning or going thru the airport stuff( check-in, baggage pick-up, going thru immigration, etc) just isn't "worth" the effort.

Nothing seems worth the effort anymore.

I also found this old photo of Buddy last year and it made me sad. 

I REALLY miss him.

He was all I had, the only one who ever really loved me, and the only reason to keep living and to stick around and to keep me here and now I have nothing left anymore. Even Beja doesn't love me or want anything to do with me so why am I even still here?

I also had 3 dreams lately the 26 YR old is prego so it will be interesting to see if she ends up the first of the kids to have a baby....

The deeper the love, the deeper the grief. Grief is the final act of loving someone.-Barbara Hinter