Yesterday.

Yesterday was a shitty, rainy, cold day so I didn't go outside and I finally watched the 3 episodes of Tony & Ziva  my hubby downloaded for me and I like the show, just like I thought I would. I asked Google how many episodes there were and it said 4 and I was disappointed; looking forward to finally watching a good show again and only 4 episodes but when I went online and checked they said 10 so now I feel better. It goes until 23 October. Beja was also still his timid, fearful self and I hardly saw him much yesterday as he spent most of the day hiding under the diningroom table. I wish I knew what was wrong with him. He doesn't even play anymore, not even his beloved Dog Jog with my hubby(so it's not just me), and he got mad at him for it,too, and even snarled at him, Eat and leave; useless! and it hurt my heart. He's obviously going thru something and struggling.

He's NOT "useless".

He just needs our understanding, support, and patience.

I make sure to be extra careful and not scare him even more; I don't make any sudden or quick movements  or noises but make sure to move slowly and to talk softly so I don't scare him away and I don't force him; I wait for him to come to me, but I don't ignore him and just give up on him,either. Hopefully in time he will heal from whatever it is and come back around on his own.

Something happened to suddenly make him this way and we just have to wait for him to come back.

At least he still snuggles up with me when I sit at my computer or outside.

It reminds me of when the 22 YR old was 14 and struggled with her eating disorder and self-harm.She would just refuse to eat and no matter what we just couldn't coax her and you can't force someone to eat and my hubby would get so frustrated and angry with her  and one time he just exploded at her yelling, Don't eat then! Go ahead and starve yourself! I DON'T CARE!!  and made her cry and it just broke my heart and then he just walked away and gave up at that point, leaving me to handle it all on my own, and as horrible as she WAS to me(I took the brunt of her anger and outbursts) I persevered and she( and we) got thru it so I'm hoping it will be the same with Beja.

He just needs our patience, understanding, support, and love.

Last night I also had this weird dream I was going to a fancy event at these rich people's and the Matriarch  had bought me an expensive fancy designer dress as I had nothing to wear(which I thought was nice and I was grateful for) only it was an ugly old lady style but at least it was my fave. colour( purple) but in the end it didn't fit as I was too fat and it was too small so I ended up humiliated anyway, likely just manifesting that I never feel good enough and always end up humiliated and always feel out of place in life.

Hold on, nightrider baby, hold on you're a nightrider Riding the night, searching for what is gone, Never reaching the end, so you must travel on.-ELO