The Fire.

 Did you see my recent post last night Fed Up?

I found out more details about the fire yesterday a couple of streets over from ours and where I could even smell the smoke, reminding me of our fire back in 1996. It was sadly that nice old Gothic mansion(my hubby says "Looks like a haunted house") I've always liked! Now it's practically gutted( my hubby drove by last night to get a look) and they even needed aerial trucks from a neighbouring town to put it out and even though it started in the morning fire crews were still there at 8pm I assume still putting out hotspots  and flare-ups and it was built in 1885 when they used anything and everything for insulation, incl. newspaper in the walls, which is highly flammable and they said it got so bad and "stubborn"  the fire crew had to back off and evacuate and the street was closed off all day and 2 dogs were killed( just like how we lost our Pug in our fire) but luckily all the people were safe, likely since it was during the day and they were likely out ,away at school and work, but can you just imagine their horror and shock coming home later that day to find their home burned down and their dogs died? Ours was at 11:05 pm at night.  I normally would have been in bed asleep but for some reason I oddly stayed up late to watch a movie and it just ended.They also said it easily exceeds over a million $$$ in damage and Victim services came to relocate the tenants( it had been converted into a 6-plex) so I assume they never had tenant insurance.At least we had good insurance even though they did try  to "stiff" us.

They also said on the radio this morning the fire started in the basement which matches what my hubby heard one of the residents saying they saw smoke coming out of the furnace vents so my guess would be the cause of the fire would be the furnace? Maybe it wasn't cleaned or maintained yearly or they didn't change the filters or something or maybe it just malfunctioned? My hubby also said the landlord got a whopping 10K a month collecting rent from the place,too, but so much for that now, and now OUR house is the biggest house in town( we've always had the biggest pool) but it's just so tragic and sad, not only losing such a beautiful house and historic landmark but all those people now homeless and I know how traumatic it is living thru a fire as well. I can't stop thinking about it.

Last night I had a dream I told someone I had bought our old Toronto house( I lived in age 12-17 and it of all the houses I've lived in felt the most like Home and my sanctuary from the world) and "will be moving in tomorrow"( so that would be today) and I hope and wonder if it means I'll actually be dying today and going back Home (Heaven) and this morning I woke up(and still have) this splitting headache and  it was -1C and I even shit my pants as well as I was going upstairs for my bath and no warning or anything,either; I just suddenly felt it ooze out but luckily it was just on my underwear and not on my pants but what the actual f*ck though? Losing bowel control is the same thing that happened to my mother 18 months or so before she died... 

My mental illness must be getting worse too as I notice lately everyone seems to be avoiding me and stays upstairs the entire time I'm on the main floor and only comes back down when I go up to bed,  which makes me feel like a leper, and Beja is so small too and his neck is so tiny it's the size of my wrist and his collar is for me a bracelet! It's sad though ever since the almost 31 YR old stole him from me and he always goes off with him now and basically ignores me it doesn't even feel like he's mine anymore.

"I am married to him, and I don’t feel welcome in this home.”-Jeff Sturm