Doppelganger.

I saw this photo somewhere online(I think it was for some ad) and it stopped me in my tracks as she looks like a double for the 31 YR old's GF! She looks just like her; the face, the make-up, the big lashes, it's like her doppelganger. It is believed that each of us has someone out there in the world that looks exactly like us somewhere. I have actually seen mine, twice, actually, feeling sorrow  for them, being so ugly, knowing what it feels like, and wondering if they were being bullied,too. I was also listening to this Reggae song and I thought it said, ....You don't mess with cheese (which made me laugh) when it was actually You don't mess with G's.It's also Christmas exactly a month today and I still have no idea what I even want for my gift from my hubby ( the only gift I get, so also the only gift I'll give,too) and Christmas isn't even remotely on my mind, and  I'm also skipping the Black Friday sales because I prefer to NOT be stampeded and this way I also save 100% by staying home.

Today as well as the reaaaaaaly bad back and abdomenal pain I also have this strange headache and my stomach hurts sooooooooooooooo baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad I can't even sit up for too long and I also feel "extra" weird and yucky, but in a way that I can't even really describe, and just....different, and I realized as well I must have a fever,too, even though I don't feel like I usually do when I have one, as for several days on and off I'd alternate feeling really cold and chilled and shivering and then other times being really sweaty and hot, like when it's 34 C.  Maybe something already did  rupture in there and now I have  an infection? Someone online also "Carpet Shamed" me as well, making me feel ashamed for my poverty: I had posted a photo of Beja and they commented on the carpet he was sitting on saying it was so dirty it was like a "Petri dish" but it is an old carpet; over 20 YRS old, and  I'm embarrassed we can't afford the $$$ to get things replaced, at the same time it's a decision between, "Let's see; what do we do this month; pay the  bills and buy groceries, or get a new carpet?"

My hubby also got one of the colour swirling Disco ball-style lights I have for the front porch, outside with the Christmas lights( shown here, with smoke swirling around it, making a sort of "prism" effect, or at least it was in real life)  and I was out the front smoking mi ganja( as it was raining) and as the smoke wafted upwards towards the light it swirled and shone off like a rainbow prism and it just the most awesome, coolest thing ever and a sight to behold! We also have a winter storm advisory and driving warning for Thursday and Friday so we're getting more snow, incl. squalls, and they said how those 5 family members that died in that tragic fire a few days ago in Brampton were of the Punjabi community the 31 YR old just brushed it off callously as, Oh, 'just' Indians!  which I thought was horrible and I told him so, plus, Well, it IS in Brampton  which has a big Indian community so I sort of assumed that they probably were Indian...

I f*cking HATE  racists.

and that's NOT how I raised my kids.

They disappoint me so much.

They've turned away from God and from everything they were raised with.

The 31 YR old used to be nice at once point though and we used to get along well but ever since he's been with his GF he's become a really narcississtic asshole who lies, steals, and takes drugs, and has no respect. Today again, for example, I was listening to music(so I was there first) and he walks in and when I attempted to ask him something he snarked for me to stop talking as he wants to eat in silence.

I kid you not.

What sheer nerve!

I lost it and yelled at him  he can't tell me what to do or tell me not to speak, and asked who made him  King or Boss of the house, esp. when it's NOT even his house(he just lives here) and he doesn't even pay rent anymore(now he doesn't have a job) and he doesn't even help around the house or contribute in any way,either.

He really has NO right .

I told him his opinion is irrelevant.

His GF might put up with his shit but I won't.

Who the f*ck does he think he is?

Later he went out and when he returned I got the Silent Treatment; I would ask him something and he'd just ignore me; no response( rude, I know, no respect at all) and also coached Beja to come with him(right in front of me; he was with me, actually and he called him away) saying, C'mon, Beja....luring him away, but at least once he's away with school I can get him back and I'll still be here, waiting for him to come back to me.

I always was.

I never left.

and said to him, Oooh, you really missed me, didn't you? as if he's his dog, and I reminded him, Actually, he was fine. He was hanging out with me.

 and my hubby laughed( no support there, never was) and said he likes  the Silent Treatment and asked what he had to do in order to order to get it for himself.

I told him to %$$*&*!!!

Oh yeah, life goes on Long after the thrill of livin' is gone.- John Cougar