Just Being Me.

Check out this cool footprint in the snow that's a combination of my foot and Beja's; his are the small ones along the top that look like toes for my big one. He misses his Dog Jog (his run, how he gets his exercise) with my hubby not here and wants me to do it but I can't run around and chase him around the house(the best I can do is a short our game "I'm going to cut your tail off!" short chase) as I get so out of breath and dizzy and over-exerted with my breathing issues and he sits around an mopes waiting for him to come back, meanwhile I'm over here in the present,  still here for him to cuddle, play "Fetch" etc.

 I also heard Stairway To Heaven again yesterday and for the past 3 days I constantly have this really gross taste in my mouth and my throat hurts, the lymph nodes at the side of my neck are swollen, and yesterday I also had a baaaad headache and was really dizzy and was really choking on hork I even had trouble catching my breath and still have the neck and ear pain,  and it just feels like I'm fading away,making throat cancer even more of a likely possibility, and I heard Chuck Norris died at 86 as well even though I thought he was "immortal" and NOTHING could kill him. I also saw somewhere Canada now offers same day euthanasia and I don't know if that's actually true or not or just a rumour but if it is where can I sign up?

I always had a feeling my entire life as well I would die young, before I was 50, but maybe I was just "off" by a decade and it's actually before 60, which is next year?

This is also my Disco-style spinning light on the wall, and last night I ate really spicy( usually spice doesn't bother me so maybe it's due to the ulcer in my throat?) Indian food, and it made my nose run and my stomach hurt and I even had to eat yogurt with it to "neutralize" it and I'd also just smoked some of the "Jazz Cabbage" before, making the spice even more intense, and I saw the brown rabbit in our yard gnawing on the bark on our tree so it must have been starving so I tossed it a couple of carrots and people always say I'm such a "horrible" awful person but if I really WAS so bad I wouldn't care about a hungry wild rabbit, would I? 

I also got lots of slack for not seeing what the "big deal" is over the 24 YR old's cat. Now if it was a dog it would be different.Even though I DO "feel " for her I just don't see what the big deal is why complete strangers would send her $$$ just for a cat; it's cheaper to just get another one; they're a dime a dozen and don't have the same value as dogs. I was called everything from a "cat-hater" (which is true enough and I don't dispute; I do hate cats; I always have, so fair enough) and a "psycho bitch" , "heartless",and a "horrible mother" who "has no empathy for her kids" and sarcastically "Mother Of The Year" and the worst one: that I "'Deserve' all my medical issues" for "being such a horrible person", etc. which was just going TOO far and I just blocked them.

I originally just replied with an "Up Yours!" photo but telling me that , that I "deserved" my medical problems just because I hate cats crossed a line.

  I don't know if it was just my autism, or just me being me, or because I hate cats and don't see any value or worth in them, or because I have a hard time feeling too "sorry" for her since of all the kids she was always the meanest to me (she's always been a "Mean Girl")saying the cruelest things, incl. she was "so happy she broke me" and even said on several occasions she wished Buddy died, so there's that...

I'm just me, and I feel what I feel, and I think what I think,

 and I say what I say.

Either way, I'm sorry for being me but I don't know who else to be.

Finito.

I like to imagine what I would be like if I was normal and not like this.-Dollnotie