Is This Finally It?

Yesterday we had Butter Chicken which is my fave. meal and I thought to myself if I died at least I would die happy enjoying my last meal. Last night around Midnight I was also woken up by really baaaad painful heartburn( or heart-attack warning, it could be either, I'm not sure or how to tell the difference) really baaad deep, boring burning pain in the middle of my chest  I still have on and off now, and also feels like I have a big lump stuck in the middle of my chest as well as in my throat. My cough, stomach and abdomenal pain has also been extra bad for the past few days as well and I had one hell of a headache and was nauseated  yesterday,too, making me wonder if today is The Day and is this finally it? Is today the day I have a heart-attack and I'm finally set free? If so I hope it's when I'm sitting outside in the sun and I peacefully just drift away and it's supposed to go up to 18C! Yesterday I was out all day it was so nice and I even got a sunburned face( see last photo at the bottom.)

Today is also my ex-friend H's birthday and I last saw him in 1984 when he stole my Donkey Kong video game so I beat him up and yesterday for the newly-minted 30 YR old's birthday all the kids "group chatted" with him( like a conference call) even though no one ever calls me on my birthday(or even sends me a card) it's just completely ignored (so it's not that they don't celebrate birthdays; just not mine)and he's even weirder and crazier than I am yet they still like him and I have no idea what I did why they hate me so much even though I did the best with what I had and I'm just me.  I also think Trump staged yet another "assassination" attempt; it was faked, all just theatre, and I saw this commercial for one of those TV crime shows and a lady on there has honest-to-God eyes like a Pug and it just freaked me out.

One of the radio DJs also said Americans think all we do up here is drink beer and watch hockey and the other DJ said that's not far from the truth though and he's right, and I hate it this shithole is also getting increasingly and worse with its hate and racism as well and one guy online said an Indian security guard told him to do something and he sneered he "doesn't take orders from 'brown people'" I hate this place more and more all the time. When I was 18  or so I also used to think people in their 60s were old but now I just see them as people close to my age and yesterday outside Beja kept barking his yappy little bark and got every dog in the neighbourhood going esp. the other Chihuahuas and other little yappy dogs and it was like a dog symphony.

No chains around my feet But I'm not free, oh I know I am bound here in captivity G'yeah, now (never know) I've never known happiness.-Bob Marley