Rewind.

This is an old photo of me when I was 14 in 1981. I still remember how  I really loved that sweater. I was also wearing my Cougar boots I also loved. I had them for years and just kept moving up sizes. I still even have a pair now,too! They are THE *warmest* boots I've ever had! Looking at the photo now I don't think I really looked that bad (My Australian friend even said she thinks I was pretty!)but at the time I thought I was ugly. My nick-names in school at the time were also Dog, Ugly, Skuz, and Frankenstein-Face.

I'll never forget that.

 It was during the time I was being mercilessly bullied and it broke my self-esteem for the rest of my life. Now not only am I even uglier, but also fat and old as well. At least then I was thin and young. I wish I looked now like I did then when I just  thought  I was ugly. Now I'm really bad off.

My hubby finally got to see the new Spider-Man movie yesterday and he asked the youngest to join him but he has no interest(just like I don't; I have no interest in boring lame superhero movies) to which he replied, "That's YOUR thing!" and he was sitting in his recliner chair in the living room and said to me the youngest was having a shower and when I asked him how did he know he replied he kept getting drops of water on his head from the ceiling above so we have another leak again.

F*ck.

This is also me at age 8 or 9 in 1975/76 practicing my gymnastics visiting my aunt in the summer, and yesterday I've never seen so many birds in our yard and trees; there were so many and I also saw my Angel Bird and I got stung or bitten by something as well as just above my left wrist was itchy and swelled up and was squishy and got bigger the size of an egg and I've also had daily nausea now for over a week which is new and unusual as I'm rarely nauseated unless I'm prego or have the Flu, and my left eye was also itchy and swollen and even felt like pressure behind it as well.

Ugh!

I hate allergies!!

I also think the wildfire smoke might have been back yesterday as well as it was hazy and I could smell smoke and my eyes were stinging and burning.

This is also my "Little" Cousin's grand daughter. She looks good and healthy now and you'd never know she was born 2 months premature! She looks alot like me in my old baby photos.  My hubby also snarked the Caribbean Carnival parade was like the gay Pride parade so I told him he was a dingus(they don't put up with any of that LGBT crap in the Caribbean; they don't take too "kindly" to "Batty Boys" there), and Beja wouldn't eat the food I put out on a plate for him...but as soon as I tossed it outside in the dirt for the squirrels and birds he ate it, and I was trying to sneak a couple of cookies  so Beja wouldn't hear me and mooch but he heard the wrapper crinkling and quickly ran in from the other room but the good news is there's nothing wrong with his hearing. 😂

I was also surprised to see it was THIS hot out yesterday; 30C with a humidex of 36C because we were outside all day. Maybe due to it being cloudy and breezy it didn't feel  that bad but when I came back inside and checked the weather I was surprised. Today we have a weather warning for rain and storms. One of the things that also annoys other people the most about me is I'm always chattering and talking all the time and I "never shut up"( according to my hubby) and I think out loud, talk to myself, talk during TV shows and movies, I got in trouble in school for talking, etc.I'm just a chatterbox, but what can I do? That's just my personality, that's just me. 

My out loud way of existing just rubs people the wrong way. 😭

I'm sorry for being me.

I hate that a part of me still hopes.- 21