Surviving.

This is one of my fave. photos of moi from 2 years ago where I actually look half-decent.

I get a little break this weekend as the 31 YR old is with his GF at her parents' house in Kingston. They took the train up last night as my hubby needs the car except he didn't go to pickleball this morning like usual as he feels sick; he was barfing last night and he still feels all sweaty. I wonder if it was maybe from that pizza he had last night? Or perhaps a virus? I also had a Hawaiian pizza but since I can't eat pork I picked all the ham off and gave it to Beja so it was just a pineapple and cheese pizza. I also left my patio cushions outside from the morning into the afternoon....but it rained....heavy,too,....and they got all soaked,

F*ck!

I'm in you, you're in me I'm in you, you're in me 'Cause you gave me the love Love that I never had Yes, you gave me the love Love that I never had.-Peter Frampton

This is also a fave. photo of me when I was in Kindergarten and I still remember how much I loved this outfit and my aunt's garden but notice how I wasn't smiling as this was the time I was starting to be molested, which lasted for 8 years. I also noticed for the past several weeks the lymph node on the left side of my neck is enlarged and swollen but not on the right side, and it hurts how Beja always follows the 31 YR old around,happily wagging his tail, and sits with him and ignores me and when he leaves he just sits around moping.

I wish he could love me like that,too.

I also always thought I would die before my mother as well since my health is worse than hers; she just had diabetes but was ok otherwise and I still can't believe she's gone. It'll be 2 years in December. She seemed fine and I'd just visited her the week before  and then all of a sudden she had trouble breathing and was sent by the LTC home to the ER(against her will) with very low oxygen and low BP and needed assisted breathing and vasopressors, etc. with an infection(when they put the catheter in and so much thick white pus oozed out I knew, either bladder or kidney infection) that turned to sepsis and then cardiac arrest 3 weeks later, but maybe she needed those 3 weeks to prepare herself spiritually  and for us to get used to the idea and accept that she was dying?

Sometimes we do not understand the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.-Alex