Two Days.

Exactly a week today is my surgery! Finally! I've waited a long time for this! I'm actually excited which sounds kind of weird but I'm glad to finally get relief from the profuse bleeding and bad pain! When I mentioned to my mother yesterday that while I'm recovering (it is major abdomenal surgery afterall; they'll be taking out 3 body parts; uterus and 2 tubes, plus if there's anything else in there that looks bad; she said she'll be scoping the bladder too in case there is a tumour in there, for example, plus if it's more than just a mere cyst on the ovary that will have to go,too...) I'll need someone else to pick up my work ( cooking, laundry, feeding and walking Buddy,etc.) for a couple of weeks and she balked and said she'll do it for a couple of days. Two days.That's all I get. All the help I get. After I did everything for her for 3 weeks when she just bruised her knee and lay bedridden like an invalid.....yet when I recover after a major surgery she's only going to help me and take over my chores for a measly 2 days?That's all I get? Really? Even estimating 2 weeks might be underestimating it....My hubby won't help out; even though he does repairs and fix-it jobs around the house he doesn't do housework or chores; the most he ever does is takes the clothes out of the dryer....I'm esp. worried about Buddy; who will get his food and take him out for walks while I'm laid up in bed and not able to stand up, or even sit up and move for the first while? The other are capable of feeding themselves but he's not. I hate it how my family always disregards me and treats me like shit and when my mother needed help I was there for her but now I do and no one is here for me.

I also wonder too once my uterus is gone and I can't get prego anymore if my hubby will resume doing IT with me once again as he hasn't in the past 12 years since the youngest was born and every time I approach it he rejects me, or does it have nothing to do with that and he rejects me because I'm just too fat and old and ugly now (even though he's no "prize" either; he should look in a mirror sometime himself, the balding fat bastard) or maybe he's even getting it somewhere else. It will be interesting though to see what happens; if anything changes and how I respond to it,too. I'm not sure how I'd react; will I go for it, desperate to get laid after all this time, despite his reasons; just go for it and get a slice regardless, or feel insulted like he's just using me and refuse? I'm not sure how I feel.... A Facebook friend also said I shouldn't criticize my hubby because he puts food on the table and a roof over my head... and I told him that's still no reason for me to have to tolerate his mental and emotional abuse, and actually, it's my mother that pretty much pays for everything,anyway, and not him, and even if he did that's still no excuse to put up with abuse of any kind even so.

My Friend F (from grade 6) also posted a video up on Facebook of his dog being euthanized. It was an old dog, a Chihuahua with a brain tumour and they showed the vet with 4 syringes and the dog with an IV line and the vet injecting the IV and the dog laying in a doggie bed with the family stroking it as it lay there slowly falling asleep and then,well...you know the rest and I was horrified! What kind of thing is that to post online, killing your dog? WTF? What next, live-streaming an abortion? I told him it was an awful thing to post and I guess other people must have too because later on shortly after he took it down. Who puts up stuff like that,anyway? WTF?Nobody wants to see a dog dying, for f*ck's sake! It also bugs me people actually celebrating that ISIS leader Baghdadi was killed and sure he was a bad guy but still, you shouldn't be celebrating anyone's death,(and even as much as I dislike Trump I still wouldn't wish him dead, just impeached) and if the roles were reversed and ISIS were the ones that sent a team into the White House to assassinate Trump the reaction would be a whole lot different; there would be war; but what's the difference really? There is none. The Americans snuck covertly into a foreign nation (Syria) and sent Special Ops in there to target and assassinate a specific target (Baghdadi) on behalf of a political leader and official order.The act is the exact same. The only "difference" is who did it to who.

Cutting my toenails I also noticed there was a tiny black mole right next to my baby toe on my left foot as well as a black toenail on the baby toe on the same left foot but the nail on that toe is so small it was hard to see and at first I thought it might be dirt but I cleaned it and it was still there so I cut and dug all around the nail, basically ended up cutting off most of the entire nail and there was still a teeny-tiny black dot there left behind, embedded deep into the nail bed; it looked like the "feeler" of a wart actually, only in the nail bed of the toenail. It made me think right away of Bob Marley, and how he had melanoma and it started off as a black spot underneath his toenail (only in his case it was his big toe) and at first he thought he'd just hurt it playing soccer.....could it possibly be....? it's not sore though and I haven't hurt or stubbed it in any way so I know it's not just a bruise. I'll just keep an eye on it, but what a weird place to get cancer though(if it even is) esp. skin cancer! It wouldn't surprise me to have it considering I've spent basically my whole life out ibn the sun but I'd expect somewhere actually on my skin, you know, like on an more obvious place where the sun actually hits, like on my face, shoulders, back.....not hidden way under my toenail of my baby toe...oh, well, everyone has to eventually die of something sometime anyway so you might as well do what you like an enjoy life while you cam, so lay out in the sun if you want, smoke that doobie, drink that cocktail, have that piece of cake....you're going to die anyway so you might as well enjoy while you live.