This.

This has got  to be one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen. Yes, it is. it's a 

roasted Dachshund.

At first when I saw it I knew right away what it was; it looks distinctly like a Dachshund with the shape of the body and oh, my God, the tail  looks exactly like Buddy's(and his tail, BTW, also just happens to be my fave. part of him) and I couldn't believe it and at first I kept trying to convince myself that, no, it can't be, my eyes are playing tricks on me, it has to be something else; it just looks like a Dachshund and then my rational mind started trying to "justify" what I was seeing and tried to rationalize it; no way it's really a Dachshund; it just looks like one, it can't be, maybe it's just a piglet or something but it's cooked so you can't really tell.....it just can't be.... who the f*ck would cook a Dachshund..... until I read the caption below the photo:

Dog meat market in Hanoi, Vietnam.

Holy f*ck. It really was what I thought it was. I really was looking at what I thought I was.All I could think of was my beloved Buddy, my dog I love more than anything, my best friend, and my heart just broke into a million little pieces and the tears ran down my face. Now every time I look at Buddy I see this. I just can't unsee it. I wish I had never seen this; it will be forever imprinted in my mind. The kids are always joking about cooking Buddy (because he looks like a hotdog) like putting him on the BBQ and such but this is real, an actual real Dachshund that someone most likely cooked alive. Definitely one of the most horrible things I've ever seen, that's for sure. Oh, my God.

As well, lately I have this bad pain deep in my back where my kidneys are as well as pain under my right ribs and the pain in my lower right abdomen where I think is from the surgery where something either got pulled or something as well as in my colon from either chronic constipation ever since the surgery 18 days ago or some sort of twisting or blockage. Either way I hurt and yesterday in church the lady that sits beside me asked how my surgery went and even offered for me to call her to come over if I needed help which I thought was super-nice and shocked me esp. considering my own family doesn't even give a shit and basically just left me alone to fend on my own.

Last night my hubby also kept asking me questions such as what is my middle name and how do I spell it, where was I born, what year did we get married, etc.. so I know he's up to something. He said it was info for my employee spouse medical coverage but I suspect not( and my intuitive Sixth Sense tells me not and that something's up and he 's lying and has an ulterior motive and with my life experiences I can always tell) and my guess he's trying to get answers for his security clearance at work to questions I won't answer because I can't risk secrets from my own family and my own past possibly being revealed but if if it is and Pandora's Box so to speak is opened up he has no one to blame but himself....there are some things that should just be left in the past and left alone for a reason....or, maybe he's secretly going to file for divorce and needs the info for that. I'm not sure how I'd feel about that. Happy to be free but at the same time concerned about my survival, the same as I always have been my entire life. Everything's always been about survival for me.

I also saw Frozen 2 and it had some of that spirit mumbo-jumbo but other than that it was really good and I really enjoyed it and they've also changed how you can convert to MP3 for music and download and sync it onto your iPod, making it harder to illegally download music and the usual route I used to use doesn't work anymore so I had to go looking for alternate sources and it's such a pain in the ass and eventually one was found but it wasn't easy and not without issues and I ended up finding ones that always had annoying pop-ups and I had to watch a disgusting porno before I could download and even after all that I still never got my download and others said I had to download other stuff first....yeah, right...nice try guys, it's likely malware....even so I still ended up with a virus of some sort I had to get rid of.....f*ck! Why is is so hard just to get some fine tunes nowadays?