This Weekend.

You can't really tell with this photo I took this morning ( maybe also because I put a facial mask on when I had my bath today and it somehow faded it?) but I have a sunburn on my face. Buddy and I were outside yesterday in the sun for 4 HRS! It was so nice out and got up to a balmy 9 C and today going up to 14 C so we'll be back out there again today only this time without the jackets and blankets and I can get some sun on my arms,too! Being outside and feeling the warmth of the sun on your face is the best feeling in the whole world  and it's free,too, a blessing and gift from God, and there's not much you can say that about! My poor hubby also got called in to work over the weekend too and he had to work over 12 HRS straight both days and they wouldn't even give him breaks to eat and I only saw him twice each day be released from his cage to run quickly to the bathroom.....shit, even slaves get fed, I feel really badly for the poor guy and he ends up getting so much over-time from it he's already earned a week off! I also can tell it's warming up now and spring is coming now the kitchen ceiling's leaking again and now most of the snow is all gone,too.

My mother also cooked a turkey for our Big Sunday Dinner ( she hadn't cooked at all last week; I had to cook every day even though we're supposed  to divide it up and take turns cooking, and I do the laundry and she does the dishwasher) and she thought it was a plain, naked, bare-assed turkey all cleaned out in the cavity and didn't see and stuffing or guts or anything stuffed up there so she cooked it.....and as it turned out they were stuffed up in there all along, only way up high where she couldbn't tell and then we were worried it would have ruined the taste of the entire turkey cooking in there like that; that all the juices would seep in, making the entire thing taste like giblets.....Oh, God! No!.....but luckily it didn't and no one noticed.No one could tell.Just like Whitey Bulger once said, If no one saw it, it didn't happen.

My mother told the 12 YR old as well that when he goes away next week for his March Break trip with Cadets just to know that he'll have to shower naked in public, in front of everyone and he looked shocked, horrified, and disgusted, and I could just tell  the idea mortified and terrified him and I can still remember that's exactly how I felt too when I first found out in grade 7 we'd have to do the same thing on our school trip and it horrified, embarrassed and grossed me out so much I even considered not going( There's no way I'm going to be seen NAKED like that in FRONT OF EVERYBODY!!!!!!) but what I eventually ended up doing instead( amid the absolute worst anxiety and panic you can possibly imagine; and remember; I already have anxiety issues to begin  with, so for me this was massive!) was just always modestly facing the corner and wall so hide as much as myself as I could and maintain the most privacy possible, with at the most only my ass visible to the others, and I always wondered too how Muslims handled this, being as ultra-modest as they are? There's NO way they'd show themselves naked in public in front of strangers like that.....so what do they do in such cases or do they just not let their kids go? I think it's really dehumanizing  though, having everyone undress and shower en-masse like that, like in the Nazi Concentration Camps, lining everyone up and hosing them off like cattle. Very demeaning and undignified.

My hubby was working all weekend as well he said he didn't have time to drive me to church and said the weather was nice and I "could walk" except I can't anymore; my health and breathing difficulties have deteriorated so much I can't walk that far anymore and even at my best effort I could make it one  way( with difficulty) and arrive all winded and out of breath but not be able to make it back and surive both ways; I'd end up having a heart-attack for sure! As it turned out I also had really bad abdomenal pain, cramps and diarrhrea too(which I still have today plus a blinding headache that also woke me up) so I just told him I couldn't have gone anyway; also taking away his power to be able to have that control over me; empowering myself more and it felt good. He also said his top fave. foods are: steak, mashed potatoes, corn, pork chops, and pizza, and that got me thinking: mine are: chocolate, pasta, Butter Chicken, Chinese noodles, pizza. I had a thought as well: what if the Coronavirus is actually a purposely man-made germ/biological warfare agent made by USA and launched intentionally on those it hates, such as China and Iran, the very same 2 countries who also happen to have the most, and worst cases, incl. deaths from within the Iranian gov't iteself.....hmmmm....one of those things that just makes you wonder, and I wouldn't put it past them at all.....

I can't figure out either the toilet paper shortages reported with the Coronavirus hysteria and panic,either; I mean, come on, poeple; it's a virus, NOT a Zombie Apocalypse, and why the shortage on hand sanitizers as well? You do know those are anti-bacterial, don't you? As in, they kill bacteria, and the Coronavirus is a virus, NOT a bacteria!  I also heard tightrope walker Nik Wallenda's wife is a trapeez artist too so I bet their sex-life must be really fun, interesting, creative, exciting, and unique, and I had a dream the 25 YR old and I were on a cruise too and he actually said he wants to travel now too you'd get good rates due to the Coronavirus panic and so would I except I'm still broke. My anxiety's so bad as well every time the kids come home late I assume they either got hit by a car, got mugged, raped, killed, abducted for human trafficking, or are lying in a ditch somewhere....when in actual fact they just stayed late at work, stopped off for coffee, hung out with friends, went shopping, etc.Buddy seems good today,too; still groin swelling but less bruisng and no more blood in pee or shit(but I did notice bare spots around his neck that are bruised and I -swear to God- think look like ligature marks-WTF? this is just beyond comprehension.....) and he's still his usual happy active funny little guy-self that still thinks he's a puppy.

Today it was also 27 YRS ago. Another silent, forgotten, not-to-be-uttered birthday; the memories are all too painful, and some things are just better left unsaid, but I still remember. Every year. I never forget. A mother's heart never will. He will forever be in my memory as I last saw him: as 9 YRS old yet helpless as an infant and I hope and pray that one day in Heaven we will be reunited again and be able to both start over when we are both again made whole.