Dead.

Something inside me just died last night. The 13 YR old crossed a line and went beyond the Point of No Return and now caused such irrepairable harm that there is no going back, no "un-doing" of the situation, and something inside of me just broke, just fell apart, shattered, just died, and it's like he's almost "dead" to me now:

He punched  me last night.

Keep in mind he's taller than I am, almost 6 feet tall and it wasn't just a little swat( not that it would be ok,either) but it was a closed-fist hard punch, hard, on my upper arm, and it hurt, and it went red and I half-expected a bruise. My mother brushed it off ( of course, because it's only me and I don't matter and her precious little prince can do no wrong, and that's the problem  right there; the kid is soooo coddled, pampered,entitled, and spoiled by her and my hubby no one else would get away with what he does) it was just a "light tap"  and he hardly touched you at all....trying to excuse him as always. The background: I noticed he had poured alot of water all over Buddy, soaking him ( and other times too I have noticed his dog bed was soaking wet, obviously someone had poured lots of water onto it) and he was right there, with a cup of water, so I took some water and splashed some on his back to see how he'd like it, because with him that's the only way he learns; nothing else works, and that should have been that and ended it; same for same.....but oh, no, then he raged and took an entire cup and drenched me with water, soaking right thru all my clothes and then he punched me hard too(luckily Buddy wasn't there in the same room with us or else he would have attacked him; there's no way he'd let him hit me like that!) and ran off upstairs, with both my mother and hubby witnessing it and of course neither said a thing to him, no Don't hit your mother! or anything like that like you'd expect, just Grow up! to me  from my mother, for pouring water on him....yeah, thanks guys for the "support"....and then all day today too everyone basically 'shunned" me,too, avoiding me and staying out of whatever room I was in, taking his "side"; so I'm  the one that gets punched yet I'm the one that also gets blamed? My family is sooooo f*cked-up!

I was just soooo wounded, hurt, angry, shocked, and taken to a place I'd never been before. This is the ultimate disrespect and abuse. He's been disrespecting me and mouthing off, calling me names, mocking me , ruining my stuff, being defiant, insulting, mean, hurting my dog, and emotionally abusing me for years(just like my mother and hubby do, which is where he learned it from ; he copies how they treat me) and now he's physically  abusing me too!  I find it totally unacceptable  for a kid to assault their mother but of course no one else has a problem with it but it just broke me. I will never see him the same way again. I lost all respect for him at that moment. It's like he's not even my son anymore. I can, and will not, accept that my own child  hit me and abuses me. I can't. I won't. So now he's lost his device for 24 HRS as punishment and I've had to hide my stuff to make sure he doesn't destroy it and I shouldn't have to LIVE like this; hiding from my own kids.

He's "dead" to me now and something inside me died,too.

As well, as well as my daily bad back and abdomen pain I also have bad stomach pain now too and it feels like my ulcer is back again, I bet from that gnocci that had excessive garlic in it, and it feels like I got kicked in the stomach by a horse; this raw, gnawing, boring pain, like something's eating a hole thru it, and also bad pain on the lower right side, coming from somewhere deep within me and under my ribs I wince with pain and gasp with breath I sometimes wonder is my kidney or maybe my appendix even; it's something in that area, maybe even biliary cancer or something?  I also heard North Korean leader Kim Jong Un is in "grave condition" following heart surgery even though he's young( only in his 30's) and if so I pray for him, first of all because no one else will probably think to, and also because someone like that is the kind of person that needs prayers the most. The 25 YR old also had this really baad headache yesterday too that sounds suspiciously like a migraine (I remember those too well!) and those things are brutal  and in a pain category entirely all on their own and will be a real test for his high pain tolerance, and I wouldn't wish them on anybody, well....except for maybe Trump, who is the human version of a migraine, anyway.

Someone also dug up and stole a bunch of our tulip bulbs we had out in the garden at the front and previous years they had picked them; some people sure have got alot of nerve, esp. around here, and I know it wasn't the squirrels digging them up either as they were all perfect cicular holes as if dug up carefully by a spoon  and not haphazardly and messy, and we had a dusting of snow overnight as well and it was - 4 C overnight and soooo windy yesterday as well I even saw a bird getting dragged backwards in flight and it was struggling to "right" itself to keep flying forwards, reminding me of news footage of airplanes trying to land on the runway during wind storms teetering back and forth,  and I finally finished off the last of my Easter chocolate yesterday as well and the kids think I'm weird I don't eat it all in the first days but I like to savour it and ration it and have it last as long as I can so I can enjoy it for longer, and the 18 YR old's now getting twice as much a month with the gov't stimulus than she was working at the cinema to help pay her tuition, and I saw what looked distinctly like a cannabis plant in one of the neighbour's windows, and I was watching old 80's music videos I used to watch as a teen and it was funny,too, as back then I used to think how "old"  the musicians were (they were in their 20's and 30's back then at the time) and now when I watch it I think Wow, they looked so young  then! shit....I feel so OLD!