Busted!!

Yesterday I was outside the backyard smoking up ( it was a Weed Day afterall, plus I had abdomenal pain soooo bad too that this time the weed just took the "edge" off; usually it eliminates the pain entirely, which goes to show how bad it really was!!) and there was my hubby; he just magically appeared out of nowhere, just when I thought it was 'safe"( he strongly disapproves,  and lets it be loudly and clearly known, even though it's for medical purposes and I do have a prescription for it from a doctor he doesn't care and still uses every opportunity to use it to put me down) so I try to do it when he's not around; when he's inside busy doing something or he's gone out somewhere, so I was outside enjoying the nice day and the sun ( and I got burned so bad on my chest it's also all got hives and itchy) all alone with just Buddy, enjoying the peace and quiet, the perfect time to relax and enjoy it, and suddenly there he was.

Busted.

I felt like I got walked in on, caught, violated in some way, like my privacy had been breeched,almost invaded, like my zen moment had been interrupted, my quiet time violated, almost exposed, and I was taken off-gaurd and stammered in shock, disbelief,and surprise, What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here? and I felt really awkward, sort of like when like when your kids walk in on you having sex, or when a kid gets caught stealing a cookie or something, and he said nothing, he just coldly ignored me and didn't say a thing, but just turned his back to me, ignoring me and walked away as if I wasn't even there, trying to make me feel almost ashamed,guilty, and embarrassed(even though I have no reason to and I'm an adult and can do what I want and I'm not doing anything wrong; it's perfectly legal  and it does wonders for my pain).....but still not enough that I still took a couple of more puffs even afterwards, to finish it off; I wasn't going to waste perfectly good nug,afterall, because I'm hard core like that, ha, ha,but he has a habit of making me feel bad about myself, but then I emptied out the dirty bong water, put it away and sprayed myself with the air freshener deoderant spray and pretended like it never happened and never mentioned it again because that's what our family does best.

I was also walking Buddy yesterday and I noticed these people across the street staring at us and talking and at first I just assumed they were probably just admiring my cute little Dachshund like people often do, but then they were pointing and I quickly realized they were looking and  talking about me, trying to figure out if I was a man or a woman! Being ugly is hard enough  but when you're both  ugly and masculine-looking it's even worse and it's really, really, really  hard. Maybe that's also why guys never are interested in me, not just because I'm ugly( because not even ugly guys are interested) but maybe also they think I'm a guy or assume I'm a dyke? Life is really hard when you look like I do. My hubby also said he heard(I don't know if it's true or not) that they're going to get rid of the letter "C" in the English alphabet too, and if so what about people whose names begin with "C", such as "Corey", "Cathy", etc. will it be "Orey" and "Athy" then, and how about "Canada"? Will it be "Anada" or "Kanada?" Maybe just replace the hard "C" with a "K" and the soft "C" with "S?"