Positive Thinking Crap.

So my hubby's always telling me to try that Positive Thinking crap so yesterday I did: It had been raining but then it all cleared up and the sun came out so I decided to be optimistic and go outside and to think positive and so I brought all my shit out ( clock, iPod, cushions, blanket, etc) and settled under the sun and it felt so nice I also put my suntan oil on and started to sun tan, all nestled nice and warm and cozy under the sun, This is nice, I'm really starting to enjoy this, it looks like it'll end up being a nice day afterall, aaahhh.... and within 15 minutes wouldn't you know it but dark clouds loomed overhead and then it happened: I heard thunder. You know the old adage: when thunder roars, go indoors.

Oh, shit.

So I had to hurry and pack up all my shit and run inside again knowing a storm was coming fast.

and it did.

a minute it came down hard and fast, thunder, lightening and buckets of torrential rain. I guess it's good I decided to come in afterall and not just 'wait it out" hoping it would pass but I tried to be positive thinking the sun would stay and go outside and look where it got me. Just a waste of time and disappointment. I would have been better off just staying inside. F*ck him and his positive thinking  crap. I'm negative for a good reason; because that's what I normally get so that's what I usually expect.

I've also been having my recurring dreams nightly lately I move back to my old Toronto house and last night I had one where I was also looking for Buddy when I moved back but it had been 3 weeks and I still couldn't find him but there were 2 other Dachshunds red there that looked like him, incl. a blind one with no eyes and I was told that they were mine as long as I was able to keep the vet app't that had been made for them. Weird, I know. Also in the dream one of the first things I did was take a bath in the clawfoot tub and sit on the big veranda. I also remember in the dream my hubby was mad and yelling at me for taking too long to get ready to go somewhere and make him wait but somehow I had managed to cut off the end of my thumb all the way to the knuckle and I was trying to get the bleeding to stop first before I left so we wouldn't have to stop off at the ER along the way.

Since I gave up on my hubby ever getting me sunflowers I also decided to just call up a local florist and get my own sunflowers but only one local one even had  them( shown here) and it cost 55$ ( you can get a bouquet of 5 of them at the grocey for just 10$!) and it was the one that ripped me off before when we first moved here; I had ordered a Mother's Day bouquet for my mother years ago( when we used to have $$$) with mostly roses( her fave) and when it was delivered it only had 2 roses and they had cheaply substituted the rest with carnations, much cheaper flowers and it didn't look anything like on the FTD ad (it reminds me of that time we wired flowers overseas to relatives and they showed up all dead)and I was furious and felt cheated and they refused to return it or refund my $$$$ so I boycotted them ever since so once again I end up without, let down and disappointed, the story of my life. My mother also told my hubby( when she was in the bathroom) to pass her a brand-new toilet paper roll because for some reason she's too pampered to have to use one that's already used halfway and needs a new one (????) and he's always yelling at me to shut up and get lost too, making me feel like an abused child.

I also heard on the news that the Fascist Big Brother Nanny State gov't is now going to ban all plastic bags, straws, utensils, food containers etc. next year catering to the enviro freaks and what will my BFF do, who has a take-out restaurant? They also said not to have anyone other than who lives with you over for Thanksgiving this weekend either due to the so-called "pandemic" but f*ck that; we're having the 21 YR old and the 23 YR old and their BF's over whether The Man likes it or approves of it or not. It's bad enough summer got ruined with everything cancelled; they're not going to ruin our holidays and family traditions,too. They also said they're staying at a motel overnight even though with 7 bedrooms we have enough room here but they say our house is too messy and they can't stand it but I think that the real reason is so that they can do IT in privacy but it's not like we don't already suspect they do anyway and they're adults now and can do what they want,anyway. I miss going to church too but more so the "routine" of going every week and seeing the same people but I still don't believe in some of the dogma though and if I don't really actually truly  believe it with all my heart I really shouldn't be there. perhaps the best religion for me is just taking bits and pieces of various religions I like and putting them all together; various prayers and rituals and making them my own, my own personal relationship with God and worship my own way? My arthtitis is so bad too every time I kneel to pray my knees crack. I say a combination of prayers,too: Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu. Here is a mantra I like: