Let It Snow.

As you can see it snowed yesterday( after being 15 C just 2 days before; this year has been reaaaaly weird!). We got a couple of cm but later on it got more moist and slushy and today supposed to get to 5 C so it will melt and won't last long. We had some nice big pretty flakes though and it snowed for most of the day and  I have to admit it does look nice. It froze overnight though and this morning it's all frozen over and bumpy and slippery where it melted. We also turned on our outdoor Christmas lights( which takes my hubby 3-4 weekends to set up, shown in the photo here) as this weekend would have normally been the Santa Claus Parade weekend had they not cancelled it( like they cancelled everything else this year) and he always over-does it, making it look like Snoopy's doghouse and I bet they can even see it from space! He says you can never have too many lights and always adds more to it every year. This year he also wanted to get this hideous gaudy tacky 10 foot or so light-up tree that looks like a butt-plug and that costs 750$ (are you f*cking kidding me? We don't have that kind of $$$ and even if we did it wouldn't be for that!)and he also wants those tacky inflatables too, but not until both my mother and I are dead; we don't want such monstosities  on our property! Ick! Our lights are always a big "hit" in the neighbourhood and all the neighbours are always complimenting us on them and I think that's what he lives for; all the attention and compliments.

I also started watching The Queen's Gambit  and Beth(the main character) reminds me alot of myself,too, an outsider, alone, in her own world, different from the rest, not fitting in, living in her own head, and I'm pretty sure that I got my Asperger's from my mother,too, since now I know more about it and what to look for I see it in her,too, esp. the compulsions, the need for routine and structure, the hoarding, the need for control, the clumsiness, the anxiety, the obsessions, etc. yet she vehemently denies it and says I must have got it from my father and not her and refuses to admit she has it or that I could have possibly  have gotten it from her because, you know, nothing is ever her fault, always someone else's, and I notice too when I smoke weed 95% of the time I DON'T get high either( it just eases my pain) and it makes me wonder if due to my Asperger's and bipolar maybe it affects me differently than it does other people because my brain is "wired" differently, and yesterday both my kidneys really hurt too, not just the right one like usual and the RA is so bad lately too both knees hurt so much and my back and knees go out more than I do and every joint and bone in my body hurts so much some days I can barely even walk or even move and it feels like I'm always walking along the border between life and death.

My hubby also likes to yell at and berate me for every little thing too such as when I leave crumbs on the counter after I cut toast and he screams at me that I'm a pig and a slob etc. and I feel like an abused child, and he says I always whine as well but my so-called "whining" is because my needs are never met and my voice is never heard, and I wish I could find a kind romantic love that could love me just as I am and that could see my inner beauty, make me laugh, f*ck the living daylights out of me, toke up with me( or at the very least not always be nagging on my ass for doing it) and help me to heal.I also figured once my kids have kids of their own I'll be a Canni-Granni or a Canna-Gramma ( ha, ha) and the other day I also forgot I had a chocolate in my pocket (I put it there on the way to take Buddy out for his walk and then forgot about it) and it melted  and it was all ooey-gooey squishy melty and looked like shit, and the 17 YR old informed me she learned that the human anus can stretch enough to fit 2 adult-sized raccoons in it,too, and I don't know if that's actually *true* or not and I'm not willing to try and find out but I have heard some gay guys shove gerbils up their ass....but raccoons are waaaay bigger than gerbils though....Today is also the second-oldest's birthday: she turns 30.