The Pain.

For the past 3 days or so my abdomenal pain has been worse than usual and last night 4-5 times I kept getting woken up with pain too, but not only the abdomenal pain but a new one,too, this one felt like it was coming from somewhere in the middle of me(I was asleep afterall)  and it was a tight squeezing pain and felt like there was something stuck in there, sort of like when you're eating and it goes down the wrong hole I guess would be the best way to describe it, and it's this burning pinching pain of something being stuck somewhere and not being able to be forced down. I still have it on and off this morning too and I notice it's in my sternum area so maybe it's my heart and I'm going to have a heart attack(that would explain my debilitating fatigue), or it might just be indigestion,too, or maybe even the abdomenal aortic aneurysm I saw in a vision once, who knows, but maybe my Time has finally come, although I was told in a revelation I was going to die on the 29th and that's still a few days away..... ha,ha....I don't know but either way in the odd case it does  end up to be anything and I do die you can remember me mentioning this. I am also so seriously constipated too I wondered if I have a bowel obstruction yesterday it took sooo long to pinch one off and it was a Herculean effort and when it finally did emerge it was massive; I swear, it was the size of my fist and hard like a lump of clay and it felt like I was shitting a brick!

The plumber is also supposed to come today (oh, God, I sure hope he does)  and the entire country has a shortage of the Corona virus vaccines too and it's always soooo half-assed and ass-backwards here and always lagging behind other countries and is the SHITHOLE country  and they whine they should have it first, a priority, before other nations, etc. and I'm like What the f*ck? What makes you think THIS country is more 'important' than others? Why should this country be a priority and come first? What makes it "special?" How truly arrogant to presume such a thing! My mother also said she refuses to inject her insulin even if it gets to that point because she refuses to control her diabetes with diet and pills and she continues to cheat and devour all the sugary stuff she's not supposed to have and whines she's already tired of pricking her finger all the time and just like how I wouldn't go thru chemo if I had cancer and would just let it take it's course she said the same thing for her; she's reject the injecting insulin and just let it take it's course.....but that's just injectig insulin though; a simple relatively easy life-saving procedure with no bad side-effects; not the horrible ravaging side-effects of chemo which are often worse than the cancer it's trying to treat, you can't even compare the two....if I had cancer I'd prefer to just enjoy the time I did have left without suffering even more and feeling even worse with chemo( which might not even work anyway) but I don't get it with the insulin; what's her deal, anyway? She also told( no, more like ordered) my hubby to go get her a banana split  at Dairy Queen too and I hit the roof and she huffs, I'm almost 80 years old and if I want to have a banana split I'll have a banana split!!  and then accuses me of trying to kill her and I reminded her that I'm the one that's trying to save her when she seems to be trying to kill herself!! I reminded my hubby as well if he enables her that once she's gone(dead) that he'll have to step up and pay more $$$$ towards expenses too, to cover and make up for what she now pays so it's in his best interest as well to try and keep her alive.

My hubby is also always trying to take the house away from my mother and I too with the inention of selling it and get the $$$$ ( even though we own it and not him and when she dies it goes to me and then when I die it goes to the kids, to be divided among them, by-passing him; believe me, I have my reasons) and moving into an apartment and if my mother dies first he's even going to try it and force me to sell( which I won't) and knowing him he'll probably try some sneaky move like try to have me declared mentally unfit or something in order to snatch it out from under me and force me out and into an apartment which I hate  and refuse, and  I consider going backwards not forwards, and not "down-sizing( that would just be moving into a smaller house NOT  an apartment) and I consider "slumming" and I HATE  apartments and I spend all summer outside in the backyard and suntan which I wouldn't  even have anymore and they don't let you have dogs,either, so I'd have absolutely NO life whatsoever at all. There's no way I'm letting him take the house or sell it and there's no way I'm going into an apartment. I'll die before that will ever happen. He's done so much shit to me over the years but this is the one thing he's NOT taking from me or ruining for me!!!!