First Flower!!

Last night we had this really big bad storm and I was worried about my sunflowers as they have now grown too big to fit under their shelter and they were just out there on their own at the mercy of Mother Nature but they weathered the storm OK; they're all grown-up now and they make it thru! A couple of them had bent  down over(but not broken) so I just erected them up and leaned them up against sonething for support  and they'll self-regulate as they reach towards the sun and also when I got up this morning and checked them I was surprised to find the first flower had opened,too during the night, so during a storm something good emerged out of it, sort of like refining gold thru fire. Yesterday it was a bud close to opening(like the other one shown here which will likely open later today or tomorrow is my guess) and this morning there it was, cheerfully greeting me as I woke up, the fruits of my labour, all my hard work, time, and effort. I have to say I'm disappointed though because it's so small (despite the plant itself being so tall) even though you can't really tell from the photo; only the size of a small egg, and normally the flowers are big, like plates.I saw a photo of a Facebook friend's sunflowers too and they were over 13 feet tall and he said the record where he lives is 20 feet! Wow! My guys are taller than me though and are now 11 weeks old. It's still soooo unbearably hot too and it's always hazy, foggy and all I can say is I'm just sooooo glad we have A/C!!!

Buddy still has the bloody diarrhrea, and and yesterday was officially Lazy Day and the 26 YR old smirked at me that it was the Perfect Day for me and I told him to f*ck-off and reminded him that when he's older and plagued with medical issues that he won't  be so energetic,either, and for the past 4 days or so my pain's been even worse than usual as well, esp. back and abdomenal but stomach,too, and it feels like I got kicked by a horse, and I'm also nauseated from the pain and really sweaty and feel faint too but that could also be menopause or just the heat, and I saw this TV commercial with a jalopy truck as well with everything rusty, broken, falling apart and falling off and I know exactly how that truck feels and I can just so relate to it! Ever since my mother saw her doctor she's actually been following her diabetic diet too and guess what? She feels better and she's up and around now and NOT laying around in bed all day like she used to and now she'll even sit up in her chair in the livingroom again and even go sit outside at the front veranda again! Imagine that! Who would have thunk?

Growing up it was also always my biggest dream to have kids,too,and that was my goal in life and I had good intentions and did my best and I thought I was doing an OK job until the kids ended up hating me and said I'm a shitty mother.....so now it ended up to be my biggest regret in life( as well as marrying my hubby who ruined my life) because of whatever damage it caused the kids, and also because it was my biggest dream that ended up to be a nightmare, and not only another one of my failures but my biggest, and the ones that I loved the most ended up hating  me, and I put so much time, effort, sacrifice, and years of my life into it all for what? For this? All for nothing: I basically just wasted my life, and it was all just a big disaster,and what did I get out of all of it? Nothing but hate, blame, stress, trauma, anxiety, fear, worry, exclusion, bullying, abuse, etc. and nothing is ever "worth" that. The proudest I've ever been of any of the kids though is of the 26 YR old a few  years ago when he worked at one of those Call Centres and he was their top-seller and they decided to only pay him comission and NOT any of the others so he organzied all of the workers into a strike until they got their fair share too and they all stopped working.....and they all got fired, incl. him,too, but he did the right thing by standing up for what was right (even at great cost to himself) and I've never been prouder. both as a Marxist and as a mother.

I did it my way.- Frank Sinatra