Assholery.

Remember how just yesterday I was mentioning how I don't like how most of the kids have turned out as adults and the some of them are "assholes?" Well, here is one of those exact examples from just last night: The 27 YR old made this big huge pot of delicious-looking pasta and so I asked him if I could have 1 serving( remember, it was a huge pot full) and he refused, even though I always share with him and I'm the one who always advocates for him  whenever we have food as a family unit and remind my mother Don't forget to share with/save some for----- and when I reminded him of that fact he accused me of trying to "manipulate" him. Then he said I could only have some if I paid him 15 $ or so, as it was restaurant quality food and was worth as such and he was just being so selfish and greedy and it really hurt; I mean, not even sharing with your own mother? Also keep in mind here that he lives here rent-free( he just buys his own food because he eats enough to feed an army and we can't afford it; we can barely even afford our own food for the rest of us and he has a job,afterall) and does nothing around the house to help, and I'm actually the one that had to convince my mother to let him stay (because he can't afford his own place on part-time minimum wage) as she wanted him to move out long ago and this is how he treats me and he can't even share? he's no different than the others, and I said to him half-jokingly, You know, I could just sneak a serving anyway when you're asleep and you'd never even know.... and then he threatened if I steal from him he'll pour a big bucket of orange juice all over me in my bed when I'm asleep like he apparantly did  do once to the 18 YR old before, and I told him if he ever did a stunt like that he wouldn't be living here anymore and he grinned to me that I have no power  as the house belongs to my mother and that I can't 'threaten" him, but when I told my mother she actually(for once!) agreed with me and said she would kick him out if he doesn't behave and it also bothers, disturbs,and concerns me too not only how selfish and vengeful he is but how cold , unempathetic,and uncompassionate he is(and I didn't raise him that way: I always had the kids share and take turns; I'm a Marxist,remember); he even said he would never give his own life to save anyone else, NOT even his own children if he had any and just shrugged, I can always just make another one. WTF? People aren't like furniture and can't  just be "replaced!"I swear, my whole f*cking family  is crazy; I'm crazy,too, but NOT in that way; not in the chilling way.

I also noticed last night that I have more blood in my pee again( and not just a little bit) so either my bladder or kidneys again( my guess wouyld be kidneys) and for the past few days a bad and weird headache as well and this morning it also woke me up and it feels like something is dripping or leaking in the inside at the back of my head,too,  and my arthritis has been so bad the past couple of days as well it's so stiff and painful I can hardly move, esp. my knees and elbows with the knees the worst and I wonder with my RA if I'm even bleeding into my joints,and I had a dream I was in Romania with Nadia Comaneci and I said to her, Since I'm already here, can we stop off at Bran Castle?  and now we also have to keep our bread in a box on top of the dryer as the mice got to it when it was in the cupboard, and the 20 YR old practically spends as much $$$ at Starbucks as she does on her school tuition(and she spends even more there than I do on my medical marijuana!) and if I don't fluff up Buddy's blankets just right and just "so" I have to keep re-doing it until it's exactly the way he wants it. yesterday I also saw 2 cops quickly run into the store so they either had an urgent call, really had to go to the bathroom, or there was a good sale they didn't want to miss, and I did end up getting the gift bags for my Christmas gifts I'm too lazy to wrap afterall, except for the 2 big ones that were too big to fit,  and now they say over 4000 COVID cases a day too with 2/3 of them fully vaccinated  and I don't believe it; it just doesn't make sense or add up and they're admitting  the vaccines DON'T work and now they're saying it only works for the other variants and NOT the new one, scaring them into getting the 3rd booster, all so carefully planned out...

My greatest wish would be to get deported.