Last night the 27 YR old went to the ER thinking he might have broken his wrist doing jiu-jitsu. Actually it was a week ago but you know how guys are, but he said it was getting worse and he couldn't even pick up or grasp a candle lighter and his worst complaint was it interferes with him being able to get back to training so I told the dumb-ass to go get it X-rayed and he was in and out in an HOUR( so much for the hospitals being "over-full" during the Scamdemic with COVID patients; he said there were only 2 other people waiting in the ER and it's always been empty any time any of us have gone in the past 2 years) and luckily it was just torn muscles and ligaments. He was actually hoping for a cast though as it would be advantageous in jiu-jitsu and he also thought getting stickers on it would be kind of cool. My Facebook friend that just had a baby also said she had to have a blood transfusion(likely due to the fibroid over her cervix, which is why she had the cesarian and not a natural birth in the first place) and the epidural wore off when they were stitching her up too and she felt it and said it was awful so then they gave her Ketamine and the room started spinning and she was hallucinating and it was horrible and she's just beginning her journey into motherhood and I'm ending mine now the kids are mostly all grown up, and she said she doesn't think she can ever do this again but I've had 3 abdomenal surgeries( not cesarians) with 1 the incision 5 times the size of a cesarian incision and 11 natural births and I'd still rather have the surgery than labour!! I personally rate surgery pain 9/10 and labour 12/10!
Yesterday morning having a bath I also saw 2 1 inch -long what looked like long blood clots float up to the surface of the water which obviously came out of me but the question is out of which hole; my arse or the other one and where did it come from, and I realized I am a COVID statistic too as I attempted suicide during the Scamdemic and as I sit here typing this I can hear the mice(or squirrels, I'm not sure which) scurrying around in the ceiling above me and the other night I couldn't sleep( restless legs, insomnia and hungry) so I went downstairs during the night to get a snack and I saw a mouse eating dry kibbles out of the dog's dish and yesterday I gave Buddy a bath(which he hates) and he was mad at me and shunned me! He really needed it though as he was really rank and ripe and now this way no one can call him stinky anymore but it's hard for me to bath him though as the bending over just kills my poor back!
I also took a risk and messaged my younger cousin yesterday in a attempt in healing and told her I was molested by a mutual relative from ages 4-12 and asked her if she was,too when she was younger once I got older or if it was just me as I have always wondered if I was the only one or if he also did it to my younger girl cousins too. I didn't tell her who it was(because I'm not here to start drama) and I figure if she was then she'd know and if not then it doesn't matter; it's all in the past, but so far I haven't heard back yet. She may never even reply, but at least now she knows what happened to me so if it did also happen to her,too, at least she knows that she wasn't the only one because it happened to me,too. I also saw the dumbest thing ever yesterday online: someone actually believed(and they weren't joking,either!) that if you're prego with triplets it means they had sex with 3 separate men during their ovulation cycle!
We also had one of those emergency Amber Alerts the other night and the difference between my hubby and I is if he gets one on his phone he just turns it off because it "annoys" him and I pray that the child is found safe, and it was National Chocolate Day yesterday as well and I celebrated with chocolate-covered almonds my hubby got me(but he grabbed a handful out of the bag first for himself and ate them before he gave them to me, just like my friend F from Ottawa, I still remember when she brought over my mother a birthday cake and had already taken 2 pieces out of it beforehand!) and I noticed as well that kayaks look like kazoos, and when I was a kid I also used to think that the cologne toilet water was actually water that came out of the toilet! (I thought Grasshopper Pie was made out of grasshoppers,too!) Ewwww! Yeeeeccch!! It's also hard to talk to my mother in another room paging her using the Google Home device as she's practically deaf and has the TV blaring so loud she doesn't hear the message anyway so I usually have to end up just going in to the room and just telling her anyway!
Last night I also had another dream about the 18 YR old when she was little and we used to be close. I have them alot, I guess "mourning" the loss of what we used to have and what I still miss. Losing her really hit me hard and just gutted me. I also wonder as well if maybe that's the reason why God allowed me to have those 2 severely handicapped kids I lost at age 9 and 10 years old and to have those 6 miscarriages as well; not only to guarantee that they'd be pure and sinless and go go Heaven but also so that when I die I'd also be given a second chance and still have kids to start "over" again with and to raise since I failed the first time around; that I'd still have kids that could love me since the others no longer do? Who knows? God works in mysterious ways...maybe it's to be another chance in Heaven?
On my tombstone when I go just put "Death By Rock & Roll." - The Pretty Reckless
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