At 17.

I was thinking the other day if I could go back and tell my 17 YR old self some advice and do things differently what would it be and what would I do differently?

Well, for one thing, I wouldn't leave Toronto and move to L.A. I'd stay in our old Toronto house, the one where out of all of the 13 or so places I've ever lived felt the most like Home. I'd have stayed there, in that house, and in Toronto, and have finished off grade 12 and graduated with my friends. As it turned out my mother had lost her administrative job at the hospital and we were ready for a change and my ex-friend J had made my life hell(she went to my school and lived right across the street but as it turned out she also moved shortly after we did so we could have stayed afterall) and we had so much fun on our trips to L.A so she applied for a job there and got her California license and got the job (and her employer got our visas)and I applied  and passed the hours-long entrance exams to go to Beverly Hills Prep School  and was accepted so we decided to move but our dream ended up to be a nightmare as within a 2 week period we were both mugged separately and ended up moving back and the school I did my last year at I didn't like and didn't make any friends and never even went to my graduation and we moved to Ottawa before graduation anyway. It was in Ottawa I went to the YMCA group and was for the first time in my life able to truly be myself and blossom and be accepted for who I am and made some wonderful friends and those 2 years were 2 of the best of my life....except that's also where I met my hubby, one of the biggest regrets in my life and if I hadn't met him or had the kids most of my worst traumas and stresses would have been avoided and I wouldn't be so damaged like I am today.

I do often wonder how different my life would have turned out and would have been today if I had only stayed in Toronto and not left.It would have just been my mother and I and our 5 Chihuahuas(Teeniea, Sheenay, Chibby, Hasan,and Jameel), and we were happy then and her and I got along well; it was only once I had kids she morphed into this overbearing controlling monster that over-stepped boundaries and took over, ruining our once-close relationship and of course if I'd never had the kids then they also would have been spared all their issues as well, and my mother would have eventually found another job in Toronto,too; there's lots of hospitals there and God always takes care of us, so when I look back I wish we'd stayed, although I also know things change too and don't stay the same and our old neighbourhood which used to be good has now(I found out by watching the Toronto news) has now deterioriated and now become a ghetto so we wouldn't be able to live there anymore now anyway. I still miss that house though and the life I used to have then, and getting married(esp. to the wrong person) and having kids was a mistake and it ruined my life and caused most of the traumas that destroyed me and I can't help but think my life would have been much happier if we'd just stayed.

Yesterday my hubby was out anyway so I asked him to pick up some milk as we were all out( we often run out of milk and bread) and I needed it this morning for my Instant breakfast  but of course he didn't, whether he was just stupid and forgot or (more likely) he purposely didn't get it just because I requested it and to piss me off and he said Just use something else! ...except that I need milk, not water or juice or anything else, and of all the kids I realize the 23 YR old is the most like me as she also loves her bath, chocolate, reading, art,purple is both our fave. colour, and has dreams about things and "knows" things before  they happen just like I do, and and I heard that 2 weeks before Barry Sherman was to testify against Trudeau him and his wife were murdered and then the investigation was abruptly shut down....."coincidence"? I don't think so,and now we know the motive,and if the gov't did it now it will never be solved and always covered up,and a thought as well: with SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) babies mysteriously die in the first year around the same time as their vaccinations so I wonder if it might have anything to do with the childhood vaccines? You know, just like how people that get the COVID "Clot-Shot" mysteriously drop dead from blood-clots, strokes and heart-attacks? it just makes me wonder...It also seems to me that the Ukraine/Russia conflict is more of a war between Russia and the West/NATO, only confined within the borders of one country(Ukraine) and Ukraine wouldn't have lasted as long as it has either without weapons provided by NATO allies.

One day you will look back and see that all along you were blooming. - Morgan Harper Nichols