First of all let me apologize as there's supposed to be an accent over the 'e" for "epice" but I have no idea how to get it on my keyboard as it's not set up for French so excusez-moi about that. I got my fave. pumpkin spice in both Cheerios and Greek yogurt from Oikos 9and did you know that the Greek word oikos means family?) and hopefully soon if I'm lucky I might even be able to find pumpkin spice muffins, cookies, cake, cheesecake, granola bars, etc. I did also find a pumpkin scented candle,too, and for upcoming Thanksgiving next month we're also going to order pumpkin pies from our friend's bakery! To me anyway pumpkin is sort of like a tomato; it has an identity crisis; a tomato is technically a fruit(yes, really, and if you don't believe me just Google it) but it hangs out in the garden with the vegetables and acts like and thinks it's a vegetable and pumpkin is a vegetable( a legumeactually) but it tastes like and acts like a fruit. Speaking of food, my mother also wrote dinners as dinnes and pudding as puiding and always writes dairy as diary and last night the 27 YR fried up fish and it reeked sooo bad it stunk up the whole house and it stunk like rotten wrinkled old cunt! Being autistic I still think of "fanciful" things as well, like I did as a child, things such as if houses living next-door to eachother and trees side-by-side ever fall in love with eachother, and I've always liked small, tight, enclosed spaces too like cubby-holes, I guess as they're like burrows,and always liked to be up high as well, in trees, on roofs,etc.
I also got an e-mail from Facebook saying one of my friends( they never told me who) reported they were concerned by my posts I might be suicidal and I'm not, not right now,anyway, not imminently; it's just my usual depression and bipolar and being trapped in a life I hate with my toxic family but I appreicate the concern though, and better than my own family; even when I was actually suicidal and even when I have attempted they still didn't care and normally I'd be furious at people reporting me for anything( I hate "informants" and I think people should just mind their own business) this was actually out of genuine concern(motive matters) and one of the 27 YR old's jiu-jitsu friend's has a sunflower soooo big,too, he said it's easily 15 feet tall and the face is as big as his chest and the stalk as thick as his arm! Wow! Now that's a sunflower that I'd really like to see and get a photo of!
Yesterday I also went to tell the 27 YR old something and he, my hubby,and the 15 YR old were all watching TV and they all in unison yelled at me to loudly get lost! Go away! GO! and I reminded them that Anything I have to say is more important than some stupid anime show! and they all yelled, Noooooo! No it's NOT!! and I'm just so sick and tired of always being so disregarded and diminished; I hate this family and I pray every day asking God to help me find some way to escape, to get out, and to just be free, for 4 days The Teacher across the street was away and he just came back late last night so I wonder if he was maybe in the hospital or something or maybe one of his parents died or something and he was out-of-town at a funeral as employers do give you 3-4 days bereavement leave because he wouldn't be on vacation this early into the new school year and the Queen had a funeral fit for a King(or in her case, for a Queen) and it's kind of "funny" when you really think about it as it was so over-the-top yet in God's Eyes we're all equal, and I remember as well when the kids were younger and in Cub Scouts part of their oath in their pledge was ...and I will do my duty TO the Queen.... and I always told them instead to substitute it and quietly say....and I will do my duty ON the Queen....you know, like taking a shit....I know, I'm a terrible person and I'll probably go to hell for it....😂
Most days I wake up just wanting to die
But I still try.-Ozzy Osbourne
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