Memories.

I was thinking of old memories the other day( here are  some of the kids in the sandbox at our old house) and I remember when the kids named one of their video games Penis Land but convinced my hubby that it really was Pen Island and when the 27 YR old was little doing his school work was a picture of a boat and said shi- and instead of putting in a p he put in a t so it said shit instead of ship and when I was in J-K for Show & Tell one day I brought my best friend who went to another school and the horrified teacher made me bring her back but to me it made perfect sense; what better thing to bring to show the class than my best friend? Then there was also the time when I must have been only 3 or 4 when my mother and I were shopping and I saw this obvious man dressed up in women's clothes( and this was in the early 70's remember and it was unheard of) and I pointed and started to say Why is that--- and my mother quickly put her hand over my mouth and hissed, DON'T say anything!!! and hurridely rushed me away and she said something like Some adults like to dress-up and play pretend,too. but I remember even at that age noticing and now I have 3 transgender friends, and another time my Babushka was over after school when we lived at the apartment before we moved into our Toronto house and she arrived before my mother came home from work and we had some sort of argument and I somehow tricked her to go out on the balcony and I locked her out there and I was in a shitload of trouble, yet now when the 15 YR old locks me outside no one even cares.

I also had a dream I was back in Chinatown in Toronto and I yelled out I LOVE Chinatown! and I bought a bunch of those yummy soft sticky buns with the filling inside like BBQ pork, and yesterday I had this really weird headache as well that started in my neck and I could actually feel moving its way up to my jaw and up into my head and my whole body felt really restless as well and I just couldn't get comfortable and my hubby and mother went out and brought back food for both of them but nothing for me, and she asked me about the news if I thought there would ne anything new about the Queen  and I told her, I'm pretty sure she's still dead and I also saw over a dozen ravens do a fly-over over our house and the 27 YR old ate some of the empanadas I had saved for the 15 YR old even though they were on his place-setting on the kitchen table AND had his name on it; and I'm tired of him always stealing everyone else's food all the time and he shrugged it off as he doesn't care; no one even cares except YOU! like it doesn't matter or "count". I also stepped(again!) on one of my mother's diabetic needle things( to prick your finger for blood) she'd dropped on the floor and it embedded into my bare foot and when I plucked it out it punctured my finger and blood dripped out.I hate this place, this family, and really don't belong here. I've had enough of this shit.I need a new life.

I trusted him, he trusted me One of us made a big mistake.-Robbie Robertson