Our Ruined Christmas.

Just so you know yesterday never did get any better but it only just kept on getting worse and worse, one thing after another, just like my life. I did finally find my socks my mother lost( seen here) which were just in a bag beside her chair in the livingroom(so she didn't look very hard) and the 23 and 26 YR old came 7 hours late and the 23 YR old's BF's parents gave them a car( which ended up good as they'd have no way to get back to Ottawa later today as the trains are still all cancelled from the blizzard and it finally stopped snowing yesterday) and they went up to his parents' place a few days early and only just stopped by here on the way back as an afterthought  as we're along the way! Their car also ran out of oil and broke down on the way here and had to get fixed so they were late and waiting to link up by video to the ones in BC they were late too as their bus also broke down and they gor stuck, and by then it bed-time for my mother and I and presents still hadn't been open and it was the end of the day for us and we were sooo tired, and then when my hubby tried to hook it up so we could "conference-call" with them the iPad  had to update which took forever so he tried to connect it to the TV instead....and then that  had to update at the same time,too....f*ck- it....I just gave up and went to bed...

The 28 YR old also gave me weed, but that wasn't all for the bad day and everything going wrong( and my hubby and the 28 YR old also kept mocking me, Christmas is ruined! I had a massive headache( it felt like I was being stabbed behind my eyes) and baaaad abdomenal pain but it was so windy I couldn't even smoke da blessed herb for relief as it kept blowing out my light and even before I got that far just in the hallway on the way outside the weed fell out of the bong and spilled all on the floor and I had to go back and get more, and when I put the gift bags up on the shelf a heavy cardboard one fell down and the hard pointed corner hit me right in the eye....and to top it all off when I got up today the Internet was down, too, and was off for almost 8 hours! I was hoping today would be better, but it's not. It never is. It's just my life. Things just don't get any better. It's always the same shit, things always going wrong, never going right. I swear to God, I must be cursed I'm just soooo tired of this all the time. For most people it happens now and then but for me it's constant. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just end it right now. I also used to think my puirpose was to have kids but maybe I wasn't meant to at all? Later at night I was finally  also able to sit out on the back porch and smoke a joint and just enjoy the clear, winter night. I really needed that; to just be outside in the cold, to be alone in nature, and to clear my head and get a peaceful moment away from all the chaos.

The 23 YR old gave me delicious bath-bombs( we both gave eachother bath-bombs which we both love!) and the really nice ones,too, from Lush and the rainbow one is my fave. and I used it this morning for my bath, and she even got Buddy a chew toy, too, and the 26 YR old  didn't look like a guy this time really,either, which sort of surprised me(so maybe he's more of those what they call "non-binary?"), and even had a woman's coat with fur, and he also had a purse shaped like a vampire's coffin with an upside-down cross on it and the 28 YR old even blames me for my medical issues and getting old and breaking down and not being able to do the things I used to  as my 'fault" for not being healthy, not  eating "right" or exercising(even though I did gymnastics from age 4-20) and being "lazy" even though I was born with some of the issues, such as the breathing, and on Christmas Eve the radio DJ said Santa was spotted flying at 46 000 feet but anyone with half a brain would know  that's not even possible ; you can't possibly fly at such a high altitude as there's no oxygen that far up and it's so cold you'd freeze to death, plus smart kids would know with the blizzard and all planes were grounded that Santa's sleigh wouldn't be cleared to fly in such hazardous conditions,either, and Buddy accidently peed on the carpet today and didn't even realize at first, either; he was just sitting there and it came out and when he realized he looked surprised and then ashamed but he's old and can't help it( he'll be 17 in Feb.) and I told him it was ok and he's a good old boy.

I also got a hippo tree ornament which was also originally lost with the socks(it's "funny" how it's always my stuff that gets "lost", isn't it?)It even plays I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas .Hopefully yesterday was my last Christmas. For some reason it's always a bust and always a hard day for me to get thru and just a day I want to get over with. I'm so glad it's done and over for the year; it's always so stressful and I'm tired of everything always going wrong all the time,too, and I'm sick of everything; myself, my family, my bad luck, my life, never catching a break.

I regret having my children, not because of them, but because a mother is expected to be perfect, and any other definition is considered a failure.-Angie Martin