Out Of Focus.

I got my funky new shoes( seen in the photo here) and I just lovelovelovelove them and I noticed later when I was uploading the photo that it was out of focus and I was originally going to re-do it but then decided against it and just leave it as it's just out of focus just like I am! I must have been shaking or losing my balance or something when I took it. The sad is though I probably won't be able to actually wear it until spring until all the snow is gone and tomorrow, Friday and Christmas Eve we're supposed to get one hell of a biiiiig winter storm as well with rain, ice pellets and then a shitload of snow, disrupting holiday travel so maybe it'll just be us here at home for Christmas afterall and not the 23 and 26 YR olds and their BF's coming up to visit? One is flying and the other taking the train...It's also kind of sad to realize too that with the 26 YR old's sex-change having a mastectomy having perfectly healthy boobs chopped off but at least on the "bright" side he won't ever have to worry about getting breast cancer though, and I still have the bad back and abdomenal pain and now also a shooting pain in my left shoulder blade as well. I'm so broken. I need an overhaul for Christmas. Fuuuucck.

The 28 YR old also said if life was a game of chess he'd be God's fave. piece and he went to the CEO of Hermes to do some work and she gave him a 50$ tip and he said for the most part the billionaire clients he has are generous, gracious nice  people (and his fave. client was this eccentric old guy) which is surprising since you hear so much about so many of the ultra-wealthy are such pretentious assholes, and a Facebook friend is now on safari in Kenya( I wonder if she'll see any hippos?) and I heard in Toronto 8 teen girls ( 6 only age 12 and 13!) brutally stabbed and killed a poor homeless guy and they reminded me of the tough bitches I went to Jr. High with,(I'm so glad we homeschool) and it just keeps on getting worse,  and the Toronto food bank used to have 60K clients a month too but now average over 280K things are so bad and so expensive and so many people are struggling, and now the Fascist gov't has banned all single-use plastics( utensils, straws,cups, lids, bags, stir sticks,etc.) and outlawed importing and exporting, etc. soon it will be easier to import cocaine than plastics and it's just so stupid, and how are we supposed touse plastic utensils for picnics and what about the Weed Man who relies on little plastic baggies? Why do the enviro-freaks have so much say anyway? Now we'll have to smuggle in plastic into the country like drugs and weapons.

I also wonder if I'm the only one that thinks Alvin & The Chipmunks are really annoying(I just want to shove a Christmas tree up their ass, smack them upside the head with a wreath, or whack them with mistletoe) and my cousin's ex-wife also liked one of my memes on Facebook so much( the rockin' Santa) that she used it for her profile pic, and it hurts as well to realize what ingrates my kids are, all we did for them, sacrificed for them, spent on them, and I dedicated my adult life raising and homeschooling them, and for what? All for nothing; 2 of them just threw away their university education, they all gave up on God and turned their backs on me, and didn't grow up to be "nice" people, and some of them ended up f*cked-up....it was all just such a waste, of time, $$$, effort, sacrifice, hopes and dreams, etc.

 Sometimes I even wonder if we just should have stayed in Ottawa and NOT fled when our enemy came to destroy us; not left our home, our friends, our social circle,our lives, etc. behind; just NOT fought it and I likely would have ended up dead and who knows what would have become of the kids but maybe they would have been better off....we gave up so much trying to be safe( and endured so much trauma in doing so,looking over our shoulder for years,living in fear and hiding; it took so much out of me and just destroyed me)...but for what? They don't even appreciate the effort, the sacrifice; they're not in the least bit thankful or grateful.. It also makes me feel that my entire life has just been one big failure. Everything I ever did was for them and for what? We did succeed in protecting them and keeping our family safe, but at what cost?

What you call isolation, I call solitude.-Paul Sherman