Yesterday I treated meinself to some fine retail therapy: I bought myself the most perfect pair of shoes, combining my 2 fave. styles: Chuck Taylor hi-tops and platforms! I love it! My hubby flipped when he saw it and gasps, 100$? and I told him, Don't worry, it's Canadian, not American, and that incl. shipping and tax! This will be something like my 7th pair of Chuck Taylor hi-tops as I also have 2 orange pairs( light and dark) 2 purple( light and dark) a pink pair, and a blue pair. My back( now day 3...or 4, I forget) is still sooo bad( and not like my usual back pain) I feel like to either cry, scream, or pass-out( or maybe all of them) and I'm dizzy with the pain and now it feels like the pain's also starting to "move" around to my abdomen as well and yesterday I felt so cold as well I was shivering and my teeth were chattering so maybe I have a fever or infection somewhere? Yesterday the 28 YR old and I also had a mother-son bonding moment: him smoking his fine Cuban cigar and me smoking my weed and he let me try it too saying, it's strong so don't inhale too much but you know me( go Big or go Home) I took a big long drag and it was ok and not strong at all(but I'm used to some really strong kick-ass weed) and not that bad! It costs 65$ just for one and he certainly likes the finer things in life ( "Only the best") and is such a show-off too always making sure his Gucci labels show and the like, always trying to impress everyone, whereas me, I just wear what I like because I like it but I don't care what anyone else thinks; I'm not here to impress anyone and, in fact, people have even told me they don't like my hair, clothes, etc. before and I just tell them, I didn't do it for you. I like it and that's all that matters.
It's also sad to realize that back in the 80's I used to send out dozens of Christmas cards but now none as all of the relatives have now died and now for the friends I have on Facebook plus old friends I just e-mail cards and Christmas is also always a hard day for me to get thru as well with my family as they all flock together like one big happy family and I'm always on the outside looking in and excluded and it's hard to watch everyone opening all their presents they exchange with eachother when I only ever get 1-2 gifts, and the 26 YR old transitioning to male isn't the only thing they've kept secret from me(my hubby knew for 3 YEARS and even my mother knew for months!) and not told me,either; they also never told me when the 23 YR old was secretly dating a boy behind my back as a teen, or when the 26 YR old had anorexia and was in a residential treatment centre when she was in university also come to mind and God knows what else, and I hate it I'm always excluded and I do ask and try to be involved; they just shut me out and exclude me and it doesn't bother me she's trans; just that they kept it from me but it really bothers me that she's Goth and looks S&M but trans doesn't bother me or change anything( she's still the same person, only with a few less parts and just looks differently on the outside) and doesn't make me feel any differenly about her or think any "less" of her( the hardest thing will just be remembering to call her him and he now instead of her and she after saying that for 26 YRS) and originally I had 6 girls and 5 boys and now I have 6 boys and 5 girls! My hubby said her BF is ok with it,too, which sort of surprises me; you get with a girl.....who turns into a boy.....that must be hard, but on the other hand is still the same person you fell in love with, but here's where it confuses me: so does that make either of them (or both?) gay now,too....or what?I don't care( he's an adult now and it's his life) but it's confusing all the details.
I also had this big long wire that kept sticking out of my mattress and it kept poking and scratching me so I asked my hubby if he had wire cutters as I'm NOT spending hundreds of $$$$ on a new mattress and of course he did (I thought it looked like pliers)but I tried to cut it and it didn't work( of course it didn't) so he had to do it and of course he snipped it off in seconds(I feel so useless) and I heard a job ad for an airplane mechanic and it sounds like the perfect job for me except for the fact I know nothing about airplane mechanics and my mother saw my Canada's glory hole meme of Trudeau on my computer as well and goes, Why do you have Trudeau on there? knowing I don't like him but she doesn't know what a meme or a glory hole even is so I just said, Oh, it's just a funny joke-thing. Today the 28 YR old also went to a shooting range with his boss making me wonder even more if it really is just chandelier cleaning that they do...
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.-Joni Mitchell
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