Autism From A Spouse's View.

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Anne Yoder

Schizoaffective, PTSD, writer, and into abstract thoughtJan 6

How do people with Asperger's Syndrome/autism view themselves? Do they see themselves as socially awkward or do they realize that other people think so too?

My husband has autism. He knows he comes across as rude, though he never intends to. He sees himself as not noticeable, unless someone is noting something bad. He says he sees himself as a very awkward person. He thinks his interests, thoughts, and ideas are stupid although he cannot help but to enjoy them. He doesn't like himself. He hates to see himself in the mirror. He sees himself as ugly, incapable, and childish. He sometimes struggles thinking he doesn't deserve love or trust. He hates himself. He feels he is worthless and sometimes cries when he thinks about not being able to hold a job.

Let me tell you, now, who he is. He is not rude, but rather respectful and honest. He's not a push over, so if someone tries to be mean, he will stand up for himself or someone else. He is noticeable, and for a lot of good things. I noticed him. I see others notice him and smile. He just doesn't see that because he sees past the crowds. He is handsome and fun to look at. I see other women check him out sometimes. I smile to these women and give a small nod. I even tell him this so it can help him in self confidence. I want him to know I'm not the only one who thinks he's handsome. He is very intelligent. I know I'm pretty smart, but he really succeeds me. There's nothing wrong or stupid with his interests. He loves philosophy, gaming, studying language, and a few other things. Talking with him is very interesting; he is full of detailed knowledge. He loves the truth and because of this he is always willing to hear opposing opinions. He is very open minded. He deserves trust and love more than anyone I can think of. He's incredibly sweet and caring. He does all he can to learn the tiniest things about me. He thinks he doesn't help care for the household because he cannot work, but he goes above and beyond in caring for and loving me. I would mentally crash a lot of days if it weren't for what he does for me. He may enjoy some childish things, but don't we all? He is six years younger than me, but I still see him as the logical, mature voice in the home. He helps keep my head on straight.