My Favourites.

I came across this old photo of Buddy the other day when he was 8 years old back when we first got him and I was surprised how much older he looks now he'll be 17 next month and now he's so grey, and he slowly limps along, has lost alot of fur and has bald spots, is incontinent, practically blind and deaf and the other day when the 28 YR old tried to pick him up he snapped at him which he never does so he must be in pain and it's sad to think too if he was in the shelter that he would be overlooked and most likely the last one picked but not for me; he'd be the first one I'd pick, always and forever, and before he came I prayed just to have someone love me as a friend and yearned for a companion I was so lonely words could never express my heart felt like it was literally dying and he's my whole world, the only light in my life; he is my life, and some people would say that I love him too "much" but I need someone to love and a reason to live,too.It's unreasonable to hope he'll never die(because everyone has to die sometime) I just ask God that we both die together at the same time because I don't know how I'd ever live without him.

 I also saw a shooting star the other night and I made a wish but I won't say what it was or else it might not come true but it was something beautiful and good and when I came back inside after smoking weed my mother goes, I smell weed!  and I told her Someone was just outside smoking weed and it's great for my cold,too; it relieves my headache, soothes my sore throat and eases my congestion. The other day I was also sooo congested my nose and throat felt all swollen like I was drowning and suffocating I could hardly even breathe it was more like anaphlactic shock and it made me wonder if maybe I possibly even have mast cell disorder which is part of the "triad" of Ehler-Danlos which I'm pretty sure I must have with my flexibility and other symptoms and it can create severe allergic reaction( incl. itching and hives, abdomenal cramps and diarrhrea) as it did feel like everything was all closing up on me and it was scary and made me panic.

This is also my fave. part of my entire house as well: the stained glass window in our front door and in the evening when the sun sets( also my fave. time of day) the sun shines thru it and it's the most beautiful thing ever.,and the 28 YR old also has more face creams, hair styling products and beauty products than I  do (he's a metrosexual)and with his 1500$ shoes,etc. I don't even have anything I paid 1500$ for and with my low-set ears( they're also big and pointy and stick out too which I hate) and thick neck( it's thick like a tree trunk, but the good of it is it'll be harder to strangle me or cut my throat)I wonder if I have some sort of "syndrome" or something as well, and my mother doesn't like it either I try and just stay away from the 15 YR old ever since he came at me with a knife that time but I'm just trying to avoid conflict, and last night she said for me to cook the momos but I was already doing it and even expected me to make her bed too and I told her I already do her laundry I'm not making her bed too and I'm NOT her servant.

I walked by my hubby's office as well and he had the door open and I noticed he had his window open and it was -15 C and I mentioned it and he got really mad saying what was I doing in there and that there's nothing for YOU in there and it got me wondering what exactly he must have hiding that he doesn't want me to see and why he's so aganist me going in there anyway, and this morning he also used the last towel too so I never had one for my bath or to dry my hair; if he was a gentleman he would have saved it for me but we all know he's not but luckily I have one saved for just such an occasion and he slept in on Sunday and I asked if he felt ok and he said he was just up late and I asked why and he goes, Why do you think? and I replied, Watching gay anime porn?  but it was playing chess but how was I to know? I just wish I could escape this life, this family,and this country where I feel so suffocated, unwanted, and unhappy; I just want to be free.

No matter where you go, there you are.