News For Now.

I saw this ring the other day online and I love it. I think it sort of has an India vibe to it. Yesterday my hubby also had to ( for the second time now) cut a big long sharp piece of wire that was sticking out of my mattress(that cut my finger) and he keeps telling me to get a new mattress( since I bought it in 1996 after the fire) but I just can't justify spending hundreds of $$$$ when I'm probably going to die soon anyway and won't get much use out of it and just waste all that $$$$ for nothing and so I just endure with the old sagging thing with blood stains on it, wires poking out of it and a big groove on the one side. Last night Buddy also kept waking up making funny noises like he was having trouble breathing which also woke me up and I'd stroke him and soothe him and let him know I was right there beside him and he'd end up falling back to sleep curled up in my arms so I didn't get to sleep until 1 am so between that and the time change I'm really tired today and feel like a zombie.

I also had either a brain-fart or a Senior Moment the other day as well not being able to remember for the life of me the name of the Dutch airline even though I've taken them a few times myself and it really bothered me and then I finally could visualize in my head blue letters on the plane and then it came to me: KLM, and I can clearly still remember the names of every teacher I've ever had, my old phone number when I lived in Toronto as a kid, characters from TV shows decades ago, or who played in what band from the 70's and 80's, looking all over Ottawa for the Yu-Gi-Oh Blue-Eyes White Dragon toy for the 28 YR old when he was little(I eventually did find) etc. yet I can't remember what I just walked into the room for or where I left my drink or what I had for dinner the night before. My brain is shit. I'm also seriously thinking of getting a cool dreadlocs wig but not sure if I should get the blonde or just stick with the grey? Yesterday and today my entire spine hurts as well. all the way from the base of my skull and neck down to my tailbone. I wonder if maybe I have a spinal tumour or bone cancer, or something?

The 28 YR old was also surprised that we still fast during Lent but fasting is good for you spiritually and brings you closer to God and most religions do it, and just when I thought Popeye's couldn't possibly get any grosser( they're the worst as well as A&W) they now have a fish sandwich, and I also saw the grossest thing yesterday,too: Corn Flakes cereal with slices of sausage in it, and on TV this utterly disgusting thing British people eat called Black Pudding (which really isn't even actually a pudding but a sausage) made of pig's blood (even though it says in the Bible NOT to consume blood!) fat, and barley! They should name it Blood Sausage to warn people, and a German guy that now lives in Sweden said Swedes are cold and unfriendly and don't know their neighbours or socialize or inter-act, etc. so then my question is how do they ever get together to make more Swedish people? I also realized ironically if I eventually am successful at a suicide attempt it would be the one time that I ever succeeded at anything.

I am a survivor, never a victim.