My Aspie good luck
I love deeply and simply and unconditionally. I have 4 long time friends including my former husband. I have a rich community life without me getting close to anyone in particular. They just weave in and out of my conciousness. My grandchildren, and my children and the children of my friends mean everything to me.
I am happy go lucky. Kind by nature, and have strong values about doing the decent thing. I do not consider myself to be virtuos, since I have not felt temptation. I lack some strong emotions. I rarely experience anger ot jealousy, or devastating grief, and don’t need revenge. No envy, very little self pity. Don’t understand gossip. Plain spoken. Dont always get it when someone is being mean. Not the same as thick skinned. I just don’t see what pleasure anyone gets from being unkind.
I HAVE BEEN UNUSUALLY FORTUNATE
☆ Little Miss Understood ☆
O to 18 years. Mainstream school, a bit of a one off. Wonderful Mother and Father who taught me good manners, and loved me and my funny little ways. I am one of 7 children, and knew my place, and took my place in line. My eldest brother and two nearest sisters ‘joined me in’, so I wasn’t excluded like some children with my sort of social skills.
16 to 22 were the most difficult years of my life. Leaving my parents home was not optional. I suffered. I haven’t remembered that for a long time, and I have just shed a tear for my young self. I was not emotionally or practically ready to live in the big wide world. Fortunately, I thought I was something everyone went through. A nasty rite of passage.
Did well academically at school and university, and got a good job in enginerring. I was sporty and competitive in cycling and swimming and canoeing. Couldn’t play ball games and not much of a team player. I had my self esteeme due to Mum and Dad who got each of us to ne good at something without competing directly with my siblings.
Family Life
22 to 66. Got married to a fellow high achieving aspie. Eccentric, like tree hugging social reformists. Also did motor racing and motor bikes. Very expensive passions. Good facinating career. Had two children Stoical, Son thrived. Daughter needed mothering skills I didn’t have. If you have aspergers, make sure you chose good aunties and uncles who have a different perspective, Any children need active godparents, who are more mainstream than us.. I think I neglected my daughter who was my first born. I feel sad for my daughter. If I knew then what I know now, I would have been a lot kinder and more generous. Aspie brain. I needed people to spell.out the **☆*#&** obvious. She suffered from having two Aspie parents.
My children have gone on to be hands-on good parents and know that we loved them and enjoyed them. My daughter has gone on to be a very fiercely good mother. She certainly didn’t used me a her role model. Fumnily enough, my son has used me as his parenting role model, but was not very impressed with his Dad. Our son watches over his dad and loves him. My former husband (married 32yrs) is not shaping up very well in his old age. He lives a very miserly hermit sort of hoarder life, and sometimes doesn’t touch base with other peoople for 2 or three weeks. The Covid isolation hurt him a great deal, and he never recovered. We split up 16 years ago, and in due couse a new partner found me, and I had the delight of a very contented love second time around. The sweetest thing.
Retirement age
I am 66 years old and have had aspergers all my life. I am looking at setting myself up for my old age. Same as any one else.
Special Needs in old age.
I like a tidy house, but I mess things up, and get into a pickle just by living and not paying attention. I can have a tidy house with a bit of help. My sensory overload needs managing. Personal care and looking after my home have dropped down low on my priority list. I have 3 cleaners coming in, just one hour a fortnight. Ironing, cleaning, and whatever else they do. This prompts me to take a bit of responsibility. In the future I will increase this service as necessary.
Financially
I have a financial advisor last Friday of the month. I have stopped reading admin and bills. I have the purse strings, but Alan makes sure I don’t neglect things and stops me from getting into trouble. I don’t care any more. Makes my head hurt. Emotionally exhausting.
I have written a clear will, and set up Enduring Power of Attorney , which can be kicked into effect if I get any more vague about taking responsibility for myself. My son watches over me.
I am still working, in partnership with one of my grandsons. All legal contracts. Set up so that Tom has as much executive powers as he feels like. He seems to have the same sort of brain, and will be able to take the business on in any direction he feels like.
Financial Accumen.
I take all the finacial risks. I am very stoical and not at all greedy. We only need enough to live, replace my car when it reaches its 200,000 miles. And I do want to explore the world a bit in March and November holidays.
I have kept my sharp specialist knowledge, and management skills. I just KNOW what needs doing with no brain ache. Negotiating, design, project management. This is high functioning aspergers. ‘My special powers’. 1000 x easier than doing housework and looking after myself and my clothes.
My social needs
I do not need many social interactions with other people. I do need to mix and mingle though. I always go to a till with a real person serving. Sometimes that tiny community touch makes all the difference between feeling alright, or feeling lonesome. I am sorry I don’t have a partner, but he had a motorbike accident, and caught covid in hospital and died.
All my friendships are situational, with intellectual or practical interests in common. I have a community involvement, and I blend in with the crowd, giving a hand here and there. Probably 5 or 6 ½ days a month. It is a fantastic safety network, and people make use of my talents. They keep an eye on me. They know who I am, but I can’t always put their names to faces. My Aspie weakness.
I do not consider that I am fit to live indepently. I get by with a lot of people giving me a hand. They make use of my skills. win:win.
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