The Dreams.

Last night I had weird dreams: My fave. uncle(who had black hair and blue eyes and smoked a pipe and sort of looked like Fred Flinstone) , now long-dead was giving me a piggy-back ride down the street as an adult and when someone asked why I told them I never had a father growing up and he was the closest thing to a father figure, and I said to him, I hope I don't give you a heart-attack doing this! and in real life he did die of a heart-attack in his sleep, and another one I was bleeding out internally and dying only it felt like more than a dream; I knew exactly what it felt like, as if I was "re-living" a past life and demise, and I could feel the life flowing out of me from both ends; the warm blood gushing out from the bottom end and my spirit leaving my body floating up out of my body from the top and I could feel the energy and life-force leaving me and just draining me as I was surrounded  and embraced by a warm bright comforting light. It was really surreal.

Our tulips are also up from the garden at the front so I picked most of them before the wild rabbits eat them like they did last year and the warm spell ended and now it's cold and raining( we might get a storm,too) and feels like fall, and I notice as well my sweat smells "yeasty" and I woke up with a headache,too, likely due to the pressure drop with the rain, and yesterday I also saw 2 blue jays gathering sticks to build a nest and a pair of cardinals and everything seems to be in pairs and here I am, married in name only, and I also saw doves drinking out of the "swamp" water that has collected on the top of our pool cover and the next-door neighbours had a BBQ as well and it drove poor Buddy just wild with the smell!

I also had a nice bath-bomb this morning that turned the water a pretty lilac purple colour and smelled kind of like grape and the 28 YR old has this big squishy bag of yogurt with a spout on the end he sucks on like a big teat (he was also the most "enthusiastic" breast-feeder of all the kids!)and he had yummy Oreo ice cream sandwiches he wouldn't even share with me,either, even though I always share with him(and even save him food)  and he said only if I pay him 5$( his own mother!!)  and it hurt he's so selfish and greedy and he's really the only one of the kids that I get along really well with so it really hurt my feelings and my mother said then maybe it's time that I stop sharing with him now,too, but then I'd be an asshole just like him and he said he does give me free weed so I let it go but it still hurts. I'm not even "worth" an ice cream sammich without having to beg or pay for it from my own kid. I used to think when I die that maybe, just maybe he might be the one that misses me a little bit but now I'm not so sure; maybe he really is no different than the others afterall.

I also cut my hair yesterday and I accidently grabbed a tube of Sensodyne instead of the A5-35 for my sore back but luckily noticed in time or else I would have had toothpaste on my back, and I heard as well that Rasputin had a 12 inch dick so I guess that explains why he was so popular with the ladies because we all know it wasn't because of his dashing "good" looks or his "charming" personality and the 16 YR old's going to Niagara Falls in May for a few days camping with his friend and his family and I was just merely informed but never asked(not that I have a problem with it but it would have been nice to be consulted) but MY opinions never matter or are taken into consideration; it's like I'm not even a part of this family and I just always hear about things afterwards but am never incl. as a part of any decision-making.I feel like I'm on the outside looking in.

What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.-Mark Twain