Update With Good News!

I found this pretty Hippie BoHo style skirt online I'd love to order but there's really no point when I never really go out much anywhere to wear it. I love it though and it's the perfect style for me. Good news! The 27 YR old is engaged!  He got engaged to his long-time BF( they met way back in university and have been together for years) and he's a really stand-up guy and must really love him still staying with him even thru a sex-change which would, admittedly, be a really hard thing for most BF's and GF's to accept and adjust to and most would break up and end the relationship even though the person is still the same person on the inside having first fallen in love with someone of one gender only to have them change, and my mother said I was worried that with 'her' Goth lifestyle 'she'd' never find anyone to love  (I never did; I just figured he'd find another Goth)but I bet his  fiance's devout  Jehovah's Witness parents are horrified and reeling with their son marrying a transgender Goth (as for me the trans doesn't bother me, just the Goth)but I'm pretty sure they already disowned him years ago,anyway, when he left the religion and went to university(now he has a PhD in some science) and knowing the 27 YR old I doubt he'll even invite me to the wedding but maybe they'll just end up having a small ceremony at City Hall,anyway. We also ran out of food and today's grocery day and I'm so hungry and can't find anything to eat and soon I'll be joining Buddy in looking for crap off the carpet to eat and last night my mother burned popcorn in the microwave and there was thick choking smoke all in the kitchen and I could even smell it 3 floors up and it burned and stung my eyes and I can still smell it this morning,too!

I'm also worried Buddy will die in May because that's the unlucky month something really bad always happens to us plus the month that most people in our family die, and my mother borrowed 60 cents from the 28 YR old and he charged interest and it was 9 cents and he hates Kelly Clarkson too and jeers she's a fat ugly disgusting pig  but I still like her( just not her style of music) and think she seems to be a genuinely nice person and his boss thinks he broke his ankle and went to the ER and waited 10 hours  and after all that they never even X-rayed it and just sent him home and told him to take a Tylenol like they usually do which is exactly why I'm so hesitant to go, and the health care in USA is much better, faster, and more efficient, but only if you can afford to pay and most people go bankrupt, and the old guy delivered my mother's meds from the pharmacy yesterday,too, and I think he's creepy; there's just something about him that gives me the "creeps" and bad vibes(and I'm NOT usually wrong about this kind of thing) there's just "something" in his eyes; I can sense some sort of evil, like maybe he's a rapist or a pedophile or something.

The other day at my hubby's work they also asked them to actually give up their lunch break for some Earth cult Earth Day celebration but none of them did, a neighbour( the one where the mother has cancer) is also building a deck out back, and my hubby refuses to believe that USA still doesn't allow unvaxxed travellers and plans on going to a chess tournament there next month even though I kept telling him but he thinks he knows everything and he's so much smarter than me and I don';t know anything and he never listens to me even though one thing I do know more about than him is travelling since I've been to 37 countries and 5 continents and he's never even left North America....and then the other day I came across a newspaper article saying the exact same thing so I sent it to him and added, I TOLD you so! I can also still remember my very first Mother's Day he never gave me a gift or even a card when I had the first baby and his curt reply was, You're NOT MY mother!! and I can also still remember writing to a newspaper advice columnist when I was 12(and it got published,too!) for advice because all my friends had started their period and I didn't and I wondered if there was something wrong with me, and how my friend J(in grade 8) made up skag me! (and even my mother still rememebers that!) and my friend Y( grade 9) called the toilet Uncle John and said I'm going to visit Uncle John, etc. yet I can't remember what I just came into the room for, or where I left my coat or what I ate for dinner yesterday.I'm also just so tired of living and so tired of life.Tired of constant chronic daily pain, my toxic family, shattered dreams, lost hopes, no future, nothing left.

 You are your best version of yourself.