Update.

This morning I used my last bath-bomb, one of my fave. ones, the rainbow one so that way if I do die soon they won't be wasted. That one as well as the jasmine one and the purple one are my faves. I also notice I have bruises all over my arms from my recent fall down the stairs and yesterday such baaaad abdomenal pain and cramps it was the kind where you just break out into a sweat , are dizzy and woozy,and rock back and forth from the pain and get chills and I also had sharp twinges and pain in my chest which might be either a broken heart or a heart-attack but either way I'm ready and I've been ready for a long time now. I also had my recurring dream again I move back to my old Toronto house only this time we had a nice Italian family living next-door that also just happened to be in the Mafia! I notice I'm also missing another shirt (I took it off and left it on a chair and then it was gone)so either the 16 or 28 YR old probably threw it out as they have a habit of throwing my stuff out, probably for some "infraction" they think I did and they're "punishing" me for or just to piss me off. My family is so f*cked-up.

The 28 YR old also got his brown belt in jiu-jitsu which is a hard thing to get and few people achieve; it generally takes 10 years  in purple belt to get to brown and he's the only student of his teacher( out of 200 or so students!) to have got to brown belt and in 2 or so more years he should get to black belt, and he says I'm "stupid" as well when I donate to charity( like how I did to the food bank last month, which also disproves his and my hubby's accusations that I "only think about myself" and "never do anything for anyone else") I never even claim it on my income tax; I just do it to help the less fortunate; he thinks the sole purpose is for a tax refund, and I just ended up buying my own Oreo ice cream sandwiches instead of paying him 5$ for just one of his and I got a whole box of 4 of them for the same price, and unlike him I share mine( but with the 16 YR old, not him since he refused to share with me, plus he already has his own) and we had a guy come by with a trailer to haul off our garbage and it cost 220$ which I think is outrageous and my hubby used to just take it to the dump himself with our trailer when he had the van but now the small car won't do it.

One of my hubby's fave. things to say to me as well to demean and invalidate me is that I " never 'do' anything for him" when I "just" gave him  11 kids  that I carried, birthed, nursed, raised, and homeschooled for most of my adult life (and ended up to be all for nothing since they ended up lost to the world and ended up hating me,anyway)so I guess that's "nothing"  and whenever I mention it he huffs, That was then, but what do you do for me now? so it's never enough, and just wasted my life on him and when I do the laundry I also always tell him just before I put the load in the washer giving him notice in case he has anything he needs to toss in( just because I'M considerate like that) so he doesn't miss the load and he has the nerve to tell me to wait and hold off my wash until he's done finishing off whatever he's  doing( his yoga,or whatever) even though I'm  the one doing the chore and it's on my schedule, not his, and then he gets mad I won't wait for him until he's done and then he has to stop the load part-way and toss his items in, either that, or wait until the next time, but I don't work my laundry schedule around him. I do it when it's most convenient for me (since I am the one doing it)and he either puts his stuff in if he wants it washed or he misses out and if he needs something that badly certainly he can pause for a couple of minues whatever he's doing at the moment to throw his items in before I start the load.

Maybe he needed to be wanted-Three Days Grace