Today's Truth.

 

My View.

This is my view from the back porch. Yesterday it was so humid and tropical it felt like I was suntanning in the jungle! The wildfire smoke also made my eyes sting and burn and I had to keep putting in eye drops all day and taking allergy pills. My cough is also really bad too and so bad I'm choking now and nearly throw up. I also have this weird pain on the left side of my head as well that feels like electric bolts that keep zapping thru and pain behind my eyes as well that I think must be my sinus as well. My hubby keeps pressuring me to sell the house as well but I won't; as well as I absolutely hate moving( not to mention the stress of selling, house-hunting, buying a new house, packing,etc.) this is my home  and I'm settled here and I love my backyard; it's my peaceful sanctuary, secluded by trees and private, where I can just "disappear" away from the world , smoke weed,(and suntan topless)and relax and watch the birds and enjoy nature. I'll die first  before I'll ever be forced to leave my home. I also heard Harrison Ford is 80 and I couldn't believe it! No wonder he acts like a grumpy old man because he is  an old man and that makes me  feel really old, too, because I saw the first Indiana Jones movie( and all of them since and will see the newest and last one,too) when I was in high school! One of my Facebook friends  also hadn't posted in awhile and I checked and couldn't even find his profile but he's kind of a pervert so maybe he got banned?

I also had this weird thought as well: what if Russia and Ukraine are actually working together  and the 'war" is actually just "staged" and a "ploy" to deplete NATO of it's weapon supply as they're giving most of it away to Ukraine in it's war effort? Wouldn't that just be the most clever thing ever? I would just laugh my ass off!! I also visited my mother yesterday and got her new flowers(they've really gone up in price,too; they used to be 10-12$ and now 25$!) since the others were dying and she never even thanked me for it,either; so entitled she just thinks she "deserves" it, and I got myself some orange Gerbera daisies at the same time,too, and it's awkward and  hard on me to see her in that state; so feeble and helpless and old-looking, and I saw when they tried to get her into a chair for dinner and she didn't co-operate at all; they told her to stand up straight and she just stayed all hunched over and it was really embarrassing, and my hubby said her being a retired medical professional she knows  what to say in order for them to keep her in the hospital,too, and on her chart where it says discharge date it said "longer than 3 days" and I felt a sense of relief, and I wonder as well her deciding finally on a long-term care home if she finally realizes all the damage she's caused interfering and over-stepping boundaries with my kids and is backing-off and knows we're better off without her, or if (like me) she's just given up, only in a more extreme way? I can totally understand that though, and I gave up in the sense that I just don't care anymore and I disconnected, but she's given up completely just laying in bed, in diapers, no longer walking,sitting,washing, or dressing herself, etc.

Yesterday we also stopped off at Tim Hortons to get my mother's vanilla iced coffee she likes and I ordered the yummy chocolate creme drink (I had to take my lactose pill)I like as well and wouldn't you know it( of course, with my "luck") they said they couldn't do mine because something-or-other machine was broken( it figures) and I was looking forward to it,too,and it's always mine,and I was so deflated and defeated.....but then my hubby did something suprising and nice  I wasn't expecting.....he actually went to another location while I was visiting my mother and found it for me and brought it when he came and picked me up, surprising me! I was soooooo happy! It's also so unlike him and I was surprised, but happy! Yay! Wasn't that nice of him?I've been so "conditioned" though it almost feels like a "set-up" and I wondered if he was "up" to something but I still drank it anyway. Life's a risk.From my past I still have the automatic "habit" of always noticing where all the windows and exits are in every room and never sit with my back facing the door as well. Some habits never die.

Got to keep on walking on the road to Zion.-Damian Marley

 

Daily Thought.

 

Check Out My Nuts.

Check out how big and how well the fruit on our black walnut tree is growing! I always think they sort of look like pears and once they're ripe the squirrels take them and eat them, leaving messy black stains all over and now them and the birds are eating our mulberries,too, but I don't mind; there's more than enough for everyone  plus I enjoy watching them. I also saw 2 beautiful orioles in our tree yesterday. The smoke from the wildfires( now there's over 500!) is making it really hazy outside yesterday and today as well and it smells like burnt plastic and makes my eyes sting and yesterday I was also woken up choking by what felt like a lump stuck in my throat and all day I also felt really cold and chilled( even though it was humid out) and kept shivering and at times my teeth were even chattering,too. My mother also had a doctor's app't yesterday morning I had to cancel because she's still in the hospital.

Yesterday I also tried the best quesadilla ever at the new Mexican place that just opened up in town and they even used fresh cilantro(which I love and is like catnip to me) and my poor hubby can't even pronounce so I have to sound it out phonetically for him ( kes-a-dee-yah) and I keep trying to go to the Farmer's Market as well to get flowers but they're only open Saturdays and it keeps raining or in this case, this Saturday it's a holiday and they'll be closed( such is always my "luck") and I saw photos from the Toronto Pride parade as well and men were prancing around totally naked, some even with boners, and there were children present,too, and it's so depraved and disgusting and everyone nowadays is such a pervert and pedophile and how come this isn't illegal, public nudity  and indecency, esp. around kids ( I think they should be arrested!), and like what I always say, do what you want in private,as consenting adults but leave the kids alone!!  This shithole is so depraved it's the modern-day Sodom and Gemorrah! My mother now also says she "has a head injury" and when I asked her how she got it she said, I don't know; she( she referred to herself as she) gets injuries and I must have a head injury; why else would I have a headache? and she also said she had an ECG too but nowadays with her being delusional I can't tell what's true and what she imagined.

I feel like I've weathered Eternal storm.-Trooper

 

Wordless Wednesday.

 

Musing For Today.

 

Daily Life.

Here I am wearing my funky, groovy hippie shirt. This is what I wore yesterday when I visited my mother, who called me and told me she'd been moved to another room and has a room-mate but I didn't know if she was just being delusional again so I thought it would make it interesting when I went to see her, so I popped my head into her usual room and there was an old man there so she really did  get moved( she wasn't imagining things this time!) and has a room-mate, whereas the other times she'd had a private room. She also said she thinks she has a cold now as well and a bad headache which, unlike me, is very unusual for her; she never gets headaches, so it worries me; is she having a stroke or an aneurysm maybe, and the nausea is gone now so my guess is maybe it was all just anxiety, stress, and worry( stomach in "knots") and now she's decided on long-term care she's at peace with the idea and not so worried, uncertain and stressed the nausea is gone? Both my hubby and the 28 YR old also said they think she actually likes being in the hospital too because she gets to just lay in bed all day and be waited on hand-and-foot. I also have this bad feeling that she'll be dead in less than a year and in just the past few months she suddenly looks  really old and feeble all of a sudden and yesterday Meals On Wheels brought her food to the house but it was just a crappy salad she didn't want, a bun and a cobbler which I brought to her.

My hubby also got this sweatband for pickleball that looks like a 'do rag and now he looks like a nerd from da 'hood  and I normally wake up at 6 am but now it's sunny early I'm up at 5-5:30 am and yesterday I saw the sweetest thing: a squirrel couple laying on a tree branch side-by-side picking fleas off eachother and if that's not love I don't know what is, but something sad,too: these grackles have a nest in our maple tree out front(their 2nd set of babies) and their older "kid" keeps trying to come back to the nest but they have new babies now(I can hear them chirping in the nest and  see the parents bringing them food) and they keep chasing the older one away! That's how I feel in my family,too; "replaced", my mother swooped in and took over and kicked me out but now she's not here it's much better, less stress, tension, fighting; it's actually been very quiet and peaceful with her not here. The Google Home Device also wouldn't shut up when I told it to( sort of like the kids) even when I kept yelling at it to stop but when I yelled at it in Russian, STOY!! it finally did, so I guess it understands Russian!

I also had this weird dream someone said, That's like saying God and Allah are the same... and I told them But they are; it's just different Names for the same Guy,just like Matthew, Matt, Matty, Matvei, Mateo, Matthias, etc. it's the same name, just different variations, the same for God, Allah, Yahweh, Abba, Gott, Jah, Jehovah, Krishna, Hashem, Elohim, Heavenly Father, etc. I also figured with my mother pretty much out of the picture now it wouldn't be a good time for my hubby and I to split up even when the youngest turns 18 in 2 years because we sort of need eachother; I need him for transportation and to help pay the bills and he needs me to cook, do laundry,and because I have the house. Everything is so uncertain but I pray God gives me strength for what lies ahead and I have faith knowing as always He will provide and get us thru it just as He always has.

I often dreamed that I could sail through the sky I've always wished I could fly.-Sammy Hagar

 

Wednesday Words.

My hubby!!

That time I found a membrane in my chicken.

The one thing I won't share.

When I go away on vacation.

Like happiness and love.

For me that's a long walk to the airport; it's a 2 HR drive!

Ooops!

Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone"-John Mellencamp