Mittwoch.

Both yesterday and today my stomach, abdomenal, and back pain is sooo bad it's enough to have to go to the hospital (and I had to smoke hash, regular weed just didn't do the job in relieving the pain)but I figure there's really no point since I get my gastric endoscopy and colonoscopy in 5 days anyway so whatever it is they'll find out soon but it feels like I keep being kicked by a horse and like an elephant's standing on my back and going to break my spine. I also noticed a "dent" in my upper left leg/thigh and when I touched it I felt a lump the size of a nickel deep under the skin/muscle as well so now I really suspect cancer even more and all this worsening pain can't just be diverticulitis; there's no way it hurts this much and keeps getting worse! The 24 YR old's also been plagued with bad migraines for awhile as well, like I used to get before I started smoking 'da blessed herb.She must have "inherited" it from me,too, and I feel bad because those things are really brutal( even worse than surgery pain!) and the only pain worse is childbirth! Also, I think the thing I hate the most about my autism is my perception problem and I'm clumsy and  always tripping, falling, bumping into things, walking into things, knocking things over,stubbing my toes and hurting myself.

I also got freaked-out and thought I somehow "missed" an entire day too because when I woke up this morning I was pretty sure today was Wednesday and I had to bag and tag the garbage for pick-up tomorrow( and it gets put out on the curb tonight)...but when I woke up this morning and looked out my bedroom window it had already been put out on the curb by the 16 YR old last night so I thought it was Thursday...but as it turned out he just got the day wrong and put it out a day early! The 28 YR old also made oxtail(ewwww!!!) and he always cooks and eats the grossest things but at least that way no one will steal his food, like my friend T who smoked a brand of cigarettes no one liked so no one would "bum" them off her. I also saw some orange leaves already on the top of one of our maple trees, too! Noooooo! It's too soon! It's stilll summer!!

I also visited my mother who said the doctor is "weaning" her off alot of her meds and now she's less tired and more alert and when they were talking(supposed to be privately) her annoying room-mate was not only listening but kept interrupting and commenting so the doctor even told her off and scolded her,too, telling her to shut up, mind her own business, to NOT be so rude  and a pain-in-the-ass, and as well to stop bothering my mother all the time! Good! I also saw the neighbour I call The Matrix (because if he changed clothes or routine there would be a "glitch in the Matrix)who always wears the exact same clothes every day and walks by the house the exact same time every day for years but I haven't seen in a few years(so I thought he'd moved) and there he was once again, only in different clothes and wearing a mask(so he's one of those Mask-Holes) and Buddy is so blind(and deaf) now too he bumps into things so I have to carry him around now( plus with his arthritis he can't walk much,either) and I think the reason he's started peeing on the carpet recently is he's 'acting-out"; with the disruption in routine and family dynamics with my mother no longer here and me going out often now(so he's mad at me and "punishing" me) visiting her( after mostly being home and hardly going out) he's upset and misbehaving. Dog Psychology 101.

Everything is an illusion.