Goodbye 2023!

Well, here we are already, the end of December and the end of 2023.

Goodbye and good riddance!

I was hoping I'd be dead before this year ends but alas, here I still am. Talk about a disappointment.

I thought I might have had a chance yesterday around dinner time as I had this excruciatiating pain in my chest as I was reaching over to cover up Buddy with his blanket in his bed and it was soooo bad I couldn't even lift up my left arm or even move and I thought for sure I was a goner and I was done for; that this was finally The Big One , that my poor broken heart had finally just given up and had enough but it was brief( probably just a few seconds although when you're in pain it feels like forever) and then right after the pain seemed to have "shifted" and was under my ribs on the left side(I still have today) that felt like a really baaaad bruise( and even hurt when I breathe) and when I touched it, it felt like I'd been kicked, so who knows? A pulmonary embolism, maybe that temporarily blocked oxygen to my heart?

Normally we also order-in Chinese food for New Year's but since we just went to the Chinese buffet that's off(and I have to cook) and I'll also be making Ambrosia  which everyone likes, a recipe my aunt gave us; a dessert made from real whipping cream I have to whip up with the Kitchen Aid  mixer (and need my lactose pills for )and with mini marshmallows and diced fruit.

It's just oh-so-delicious.

I used to have to whip the cream using manual mixing beaters which took 10-15 minutes but the Kitchen Aid mixer is sooo much better and more efficient because it beats the cream for you! After all this time I 've got it down to an exact science,too and know how to whip it just right, not so little it goes "flat" and ends up runny, but not too much either that it turns to butter; just right so that it's really thick and has "folds" in it and  you get "peaks" on it and then you know it's just right.

I can still also remember when I was in my 20's and 30's and I'd get all dressed up and wear a fancy evening gown and heels and my jewellery and put on make-up and the whole fancy thing and go out to New Year's Eve parties even though I never drank I'd still do the fance soiree thing( just like  with the Archbishop's Charity Ball,etc.) and still be me, only dressed up fancy; I'd still sit quietly by mysef in a corner and just observe everyone else and all the activity going on around me, just all dressed up,not part of it but just taking it all in. I've never been "social." The 29 YR old also said my mother has "dark beady eyes like a mouse" and when we lived in Toronto when I was a kid and teen she also was a member of the ROM museum and because of that we were one of the first to get tickets to the King Tut exhibit when it came and he jokes that now she's the exhibit! 😂

Almost half this year was god-awful as well from May-September due to my mother refusing to get out of bed and she peed and shit in there and it was beyond what we could handle or manage until she finally got placed in the LTC home ( "put out to pasture") in September but then it all ended up working out in the end and for the best because then she was no longer living here with us and being demanding, bossy, interfering,coddling the youngest, and ganging-up on me with my hubby and always criticizing me and putting me down,blaming me, and veto-ing me so the whole atmosphere in the house is much better since she left,too, proving that she was the problem all along, even though they always blamed me, and she always told me to leave(even though with my autism I can't survive on my own) but I'm grateful God arranged it so she was the one to go .

 It was an answer to my prayer.

I was also surprised I was so easily able to obtain a prescription for Ozempic (to lose weight) online yesterday and I got all excited....until I found out the price....

400$ every month for the medication plus 99$ every 2 months for the consultation.

F*ck.

Everything is always too expensive and unaffordable for me!

and out of my reach.

So much for that!!

I'm still trying to figure out as well why the kids hate me and went No Contact and what  I did ,and what exactly I did wrong . I have no idea and even when I'd ask them they'd still never tell me or just huff, You know! ....except that I don't but whatever it is I'm sorry.

Goodbye 2023!

Once the body dies, the soul soars like a bird released from a cage and gains new capacities.-Scott Hakala