Borrowed Time.

Buddy's still holding on and continues to improve and recover each day and yesterday he didn't have a seizure at all and he ate more(but still half what he used to) and seems back to his usual self, totally alert and even back to mooching food once again, his old personality has re-emerged and he appears to be on the road to recovery following his stroke 6 days ago and some friends on Facebook incl. from the old church said they've been praying for us,too, which really touched me and means alot, that they care enough to take the time to pray for us and I know that prayer works,too, and if something matters to us( no matter how small) it also matters to God. I still can't help but feel anxious and feeling we're living on "Borrowed Time" though, like I'm just waiting for the proverbial "other shoe to drop"(such as will he have another stroke, and when) as my life experiences have taught me as just when things start to look up and you think you're "safe" is when everything all falls apart so I'm NOT getting too comfortable or hopeful  or optimistic but just take one day at a time, grateful for each day we still have. We're also supposed to be getting more snow today and you know you're old ,too,when you're used to check the birth notices in the paper to see if there's anyone you know and now you check the death notices.

I also heard a radio ad saying you can get over 300$ off windows and over 700$ off doors and I wouldn't even want to pay that much so it makes me wonder how much they must cost if you're saving that much, and we have LG appliances ,too, and I jokingly thought to myself, What about the BT?  and for the past few days I also have this feeling that I should go to Newfoundland(even though I've never even been there!) as that way I can still live by the sea( not the Caribbean, I know, but at least I can still be near the water) and that I'll also meet someone there that will change my life, plus it's also cheaper to live there as well, and I saw online the other day a question, "What is one thing you wish you could change about your wedding day?" and my response was, "I wish I never married him!" and I'm also so used to always being bullied, rejected, abused, and mistreated my entire life ,too, if someone's oddly nice to me I feel suspicious and wary and get my "guard" up as I've been automatically "conditioned" to expect to be treated like shit.

For me hope is just like expectation and only ever ends in disappointment.