Dreads, 'Mon.

Yesterday I visited my mother wearing one of my new sweaters and dreads(which go nicely together, I must say), which she did notice and really liked(both!) and kept staring at the dreads she liked them so much and said about the sweater that it was how she dressed me as a kid and I was "re-living my childhood" which was sort of the idea; the happy memories and nostalgia. I also wasn't even able to wear the required face-diaper( mask) either (not that I would,anyway)because my ears are covered up so where would I attach it to? Oh, well, ha, ha! Her doctor closing her practice and moving is also charging 80$  just to transfer/forward her medical files by e-mail ( which takes like 2 minutes or less to do; hardly any work at all) so forget it; the LTC home already has her medical records from the hospital ,anyway. What a rip-off, though! Holy shit! She also wants us to buy her a mirror for her wall (yet another expense)she says to "check out her hair before she leaves her room" even though she's never cared about how she looks before and even though she already has a mirror( for free!) in the bathroom. My hubby also has his MRI for his knee tomorrow and it's out-of-town ( they don't have MRI machines here in this dinky Bumble-F*ck town; you have to go to another bigger town) and we're supposed to get alot of snow....then the next day it's going up to 5 C and rain.

My mother also told me the 24 YR old told her(no one ever tells me anything) the 27 YR old ( who is trans remember, going from female to male) wants a baby right now which surprises me as that's a female urge and female biological clock ticking but he'd have to stop taking testosterone as that stops ovulation and would also be harmful to the baby( cause miscarriages and birth defects) plus he also had his boobs chopped off so wouldn't be able to breastfeed, so I wonder if he's maybe changed his mind about the sex-change and wants to return to female then....or just temporary to have a baby and then "revert" "back" to male? This whole thing is just sooo f*cked-up I can't even wrap my head around it but at least his BF is sensible and told him no baby until they have a house first ( he already owns his own house but he meant them both together) and get married first. I honestly don't know how his BF even puts up with all of this shit. I would have thought my kids wouldn't even want kids though after seeing how awful they and their siblings were growing up and how much trouble they were, plus kids ruin the parents' relationships as well. They'll be sorry and regret it.

Yesterday at nap poor Buddy also fell out of bed again; I woke up and he was on the floor so I don't know if he just rolled over and slipped off or if I had another seizure in my sleep again and kicked him out, and yesterday and today my back, stomach,and abdomenal pain(it's back again) is really bad again as well, and yesterday I also kept hearing a ticking sound, like the 'tick-tock" of a Grandfather clock and then later on my left ear was aching as well, so maybe some kind of tinnitus or something,and I absolutely *HATE* my flabby, saggy, wrinkly, baggy, hanging "turkey neck" as well; it looks like a f*cking ballsack, and when I said it's not right my hubby is still paying off some of the kids' student loans and once they turn 18 and move out and are adults with jobs and their own lives it's not our responsibility to support and finance them anymore he said "They'll always be my kids" and I never said they weren't; just that they can't freeload forever, and once they've grown up and become adults they have to be independent and be responsible for their own bills and expenses.

With each passing year I've grown progressively more tired of humanity.-Bronwynne McNeill