Regrets.

I got more weed! I also can't believe the 29 YR old stole my conditioner, and I mean, I wouldn't even really mind if he just borrowed a few samples(that's called sharing) but to take the whole new bottle is just stealing, and I regret not getting the sunflowers the other day,too, even though I didn't because they were 35$(sometimes it's worth it to spend the $$$) but then I couldn't stop thinking about it and kept kicking myself all day regretting it so yesterday on the way to pickleball my hubby stopped by the store to pick them up( and I'd just pay him back) but of course by then they were gone. I should have known. it's my own stupid fault( and the asshole who bought them!) and that always happens; whenever I see something I like and know I should get but don't whenever I go back later to get it it's always gone and I miss out. Yesterday morning at 6 am I also asked the 29 YR old why he was so late getting back from work the night before( 10:30!) and I was already up in bed as I was concerned and he just snarled at me to stop waking him up early even though it was just 15 min. before he gets up....well, excuuuuse me for being concerned.

I also got a mosquito bite above my lip and last night we had a biiig storm with heavy rain so bad it even came thru my opened bedroom window and my patio cushions were ok the night before when it rained unexpectantly and I left them outside( I brought them in last night) since I'd folded them up under the canopy so they didn't get wet luckily but that was close, and the 17 YR old forgot to put the garbage and recycling out for pick-up too but luckily I woke up at 12:30 am to go pee and looked out the window to see if it was raining and noticed they weren't put out so I reminded him (and he stays up until 2-3 am so he was still awake)otherwise I'd have to wake him up at 7 am to do it. This redneck town is soooo white-trash too the local highschool even has a daycare right in it because there's so many teen moms but at least to their credit they had their babies though and didn't kill them thru abortion.It's sad to realize as well the only way I'd ever get anyone to f*ck me is if I paid them and I'd have to give them a big Tip,too, for their bravery.😂

This is also my friend F( from grade 6) who fell backwards down his front stairs and landed on the concrete floor (getting old really sucks!)and now has a big nasty gash on the back of his head( ouch!) and I saw a Jet-Ski costs 18 K too which shocked me it was so expensive(I thought maybe around 10 K or so) so I assume that snowmobiles and ATV's probably cost about the same price range, and there was this online survery "What is your body count?" I found odd since unless you're an assassin or sniper  or work in Intelligence or field work or the military or everyday garden-variety killer it should be zero but then apparantly they weren't talking about how many people you've killed(like I thought) but slept with!(I think anything more than 2, sometimes 3 , depending on the circumstances, eg. widowed, makes you a slut) HA! Who knew?( certainly not me) Those NT's are so weird. Why don't they ever just say what they mean? I also saw a photo of some guy and the caption, "What's the first word that comes to mind when you see Barry Bonds?" and mine was Who? as I had no idea who he even was but it turned out he was some baseball player or something.

 yeah, don't care.

Today is also 14 June, the same day in 1984 I moved to L.A. and also the birthday of someone I once loved a long time ago but will still never forget, and I went to open my new bag of sour cream & onion chips last night too, eager to eat them and wondered why the bag felt so light....and then saw the bag had been chewed thru and eaten by the f*ckin' mice in the cupboard and there was only 2 small handfuls left! F*ck! I was so mad, I hate those damn things, and I read this thing online too saying No matter what you think of me at least I don't have ugly children but I can't even say that  because a couple of mine are ugly but I guess with both my hubby and I being uggos they didn't really have much of a chance.

 I also saw my Angel Bird again yesterday and another bird fly smack right into the glass part of our back door with a loud "THUD!" and it just sort of bounced off, turned around and kept on flying which I thought was odd. I'm just so tired of everything lately,too; tired of chronic emotional and physical pain, tired of not meaning anything  to anyone or mattering to anyone, tired of Buddy's barking, tired of being such a screw-up, tired of never being good enough no matter how much I do or how hard I try, tired of being fat and ugly, tired of fighting with my mind, tired of always struggling,tired of my bad luck, tired of never catching a break, tired of never being able to find happiness and peace,

just tired of life.

And I can't get it out of my head No, I can't get it out of my head Now my old world is gone for dead 'Cause I can't get it out of my head.-ELO