Not realizing you are sprinting in life to keep up with people who are only walking.
Just imagine that for a minute, running, running and never quite catching up, always feeling one step behind, half a beat off and not knowing why.
Feeling drained and exhausted even when social interactions went well, wishing someone wanted to talk about the same things in the same way for hours that you do, being content to be a sort of observing outsider somehow in all places.
Wondering why your coworkers rarely come say Hello to you when you’ve made a point to smile and be friendly to them. Or they get quiet if you walk by, even if you did part of their job for them yesterday to help out.
Never quite knowing if someone likes you, is being polite, sexually attracted to you, or dislikes you and is subtly making fun of you. And feeling paranoid for even thinking any of this.
Not understanding how a pattern can be so clear to you, but not those around you.
Not understanding why people see, to misunderstand you regularly no matter how honest or clear you thorough you try to be.
And quietly hating yourself for failing so much when you try so hard and cannot seem to keep friends, to not be used, to not take on an unfair load of extra assignments at work when the task seems easy to you but not be appreciated for it, and overall not minding being alone, but often feeling lonely even in groups as you are talked over, ignored, and people express annoyance if you talk too long or at the wrong times. So you give up.
So, self loathing and low self esteem and deductions from an overly analytical mind that you are the common denominator and yo must be deserving pf all this ill treatment is a problem.
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