I found this yesterday and it sums up breastfeeding and motherhood( esp. to a large family like mine) in one photo. I also had this weird dream I was supposed to go with my friend to her church but she had to cancel so I ended up going with a bunch of Fillipino people in a big red van to their church(called The New Light) instead. I know, like I said,strange, huh? I also got my ticket to see ELO in Toronto in September and my hubby had to order it as they only take PayPal which I don't have and so he said he'd do it after work so after work I reminded him but then he had to eat so I said to let me know when he was done.....so I waited....and waited....and waited... and he still hadn't returned so I went looking for him and found him up on his computer playing chess.....for 2 hours!
Then he was finally done, thank God,so I "grabbed" him before he went off to do something else and forgot and I got my ticket before they were all sold out. I got a crappy seat though with a shitty view but that's all I could get(and afford) but I can still hear it though and they have the big screen there anyway so I'll still be able to see, even from far away and way high up. I also noticed when I accessed my bank account online( to send him the $$$ for my ticket) that I only have half the $$$ in my account that I did recently so where did it all go? I know I didn't spend that much making me wonder if my hubby( who has access to it) has been secretly "dipping in" to my acc't to pay more bills than my share that I already pay?
It's also been sooo hot lately I can't even go outside in the morning, only in the afternoon when there's shade and it's a bit cooler and supposed to be like this all month, but not surprisingly since July is typically the hottest month, and poor Buddy can't even go out at all(just to do his business) it's just too hot for him, even in the shade, and I saw the baby cardinal again and now he's lost his dull brown fluffy downy feathers and his adult red tell-tale cardinal feathers are in, and bright red too, so he's a male, and sitting out in my yard yesterday I could literally feel the cold front coming in too; it was all steamy and then all of a sudden it felt like someone turned the A/C on, only outside, like God's A/C, and in that Bob Seger song Hollywood Nights ....he saw that face and lost all control...in my case it would be more like...he saw that face and ran away screaming in fear...
and I also heard someone's life being described as ....she has been famously depressive throughout all her life... and that perfectly describes me and my life,too.I wonder if it's weird too that I don't hate the relative that molested me for years, and other than that we've always got along well; he's intelligent( has 2 university degrees) and we always had good discussions about politics and world affairs; it's just that our relationship was also sexual when I was a child, and I figure he was probably abused as a child himself as well, to become like that and he was likely a victim himself,too......
We choose to exist here with pain/suffering and also joy in the expectation that we will learn as much as possible through hard experience and thus graduate to a higher level of consciousness. The greater the suffering the greater the reward.-Horder Phelps
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