First of all, the narcissistic parent will make sure to have plenty of alone time with the children and on a regular basis.
For example, taking them to school every morning. Taking them to certain recreational activities, etc. This alone time gives the narcissistic parent plenty of time to do their dirty deeds on the children's minds.
For example, ask questions about what the NT parent tells them. Then the narcissistic parent, in their very convincing manner, manages to completely discredit the NT parent in face of the kids. Or, at least, they try really hard. Then, when the family is all at home together and the parents are arguing as they always do and they both want the kids to do/behave in different manners, the kids feel compelled to pull towards the narcissistic parent’s instructions.
Unless they are willing to put up a fight, of course, against the narcissistic parent, and I mean physically. The narcissistic parent also throws out a lot of threats towards the children in the ‘down time', so they know what to expect should they ever disobey. It is very confusing for the children. They are behaving in a certain way based on the emotion of fear.
It is easier to try and brainwash children than a spouse. In my experience, the NT spouse suffered from severe depression and was isolated from family, friends etc.
I would not say the NT spouse was brainwashed, but was instead being controlled, isolated and abused. Yes, the NT parent's life was destroyed, but not sure I would label it as being brainwashed… just destroyed.
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