All You Have Is Yourself.

The 17 YR old's badminton starts next week  so my hubby said I'll have to go back to visiting my mother later on Sundays, the same time he's at badminton, so that's not until 5 pm and they don't finish until after 8, and it's 20 minutes + to get home and it makes me late every Sunday (and I'm always so tired)plus 3 hours is too long for a visit; we don't have that much to talk about( an hour is just long enough) and just end up sitting there staring at eachother watching the clock; What time is it? What time is it now? waiting for it to end) and I much prefer it the way it has been all summer with no badminton and I could go earlier in the afternoon( 2 pm or so) and just stay for an hour( plus Buddy also doesn't have to wait as long to go out and go pee when I get back,too) but my hubby doesn't care about what *I* want or prefer or what's best for me; just always about him and his schedule and what he wants and I told him once it's back I want to switch and I'd much prefer to do Saturday afternoons instead (after  or before his stupid pickelball of course) so I'm not late and don't have to stay as long and then he got all "bent out of shape" saying it's "more inconveient" for him and he doesn't want to have to drive into town twice, 2 days in a row, although if it was for someone else he wouldn't mind, etc. and blamed me for "not wanting to spend time" with my mother, etc. which is really something considering I'm the only one that even visits her and he doesn't even stay but just always drops me off and picks me up later so what can he really say?

All you have is yourself.

You can't depend on anyone else.

No one else really gives a shit.

I was also woken up during the night last night by the loud banging sound of Buddy and I worried he was having a seizure or something but it turned out he'd rolled over and got stuck and couldn't get out so I rescued him and summer is reminding me it's still not over yet too as for the past 3 days or so my allergies have been really acting-up and I've been sneezing my head off and my Dutch Facebook friend( who looks remarkably like the 21 YR old!) just got married and to a girl,too, which surprised me as the last time she was dating this guy so you never know and life is full of surprises, and it's been a week already since my hubby was at the chess tournament and he said in NY gas is waaay cheaper too than here in this shithole; there when translated from gallons it ends up being only 1.18$ a litre and here it's 1.58$! This morning I was also up before my hubby and got a decent amount of hot water for my bath for the first time in a week( we're still having trouble with it) and he was pissed-off I beat him to it but it felt good, almost like a luxury!

Yay!(and f*ck him!)

My friend V( from grade 6 and I named the second-oldest after) now lives in Arizona to be closer to her family( and she has something like 9 siblings) and I heard a 14 YR old  girl in Saskatchewan shot and killed 4 people in her school on the first day( yeah, welcome back to school, kids) and it just keeps getting worse and worse with every generation and they keep getting younger and younger and I remember when I was in school it was bad enough but the worst they did then  in the 80's was pee in the hallway, walk down the halls smoking weed, setting fire in the bathroom, beating people up physically,carrying knives, etc. but now it's so much worse and I'm so glad we homeschooled our kids!I doubt they realize how fortunate they were though. The 29 YR old also told me when he was little he'd stay up with the oldest  in their room and they'd listen to Howard Stern as their "brother bonding time" and it shocked me(not exactly appropriate!) and even with their university degrees now I will still always see them as those dumb kids that knocked themselves out, ate a catterpillar, broke the door, threw eachother off the roof in a garbage can down into the bushes below,etc.

Just by being me, I'm unwelcome.-Philip