Shit All Fixed For Now.

Yay!

My piece-of-shit computer is back!

My hubby was able to fix it( for now,anyway) and it was the graphics card AGAIN  he said he had to "clean it  up" and that's it; I'm just NOT going to re-boot it again because this is exactly what happened the last 3 times I tried to re-boot it; it just froze and crashed so forget it! I'm not going thru that again! F*ck it! Today it's also going up to a nice summer-y 27 C and for the past few days it's been mild around 23 C or so and also for the next week it's also supposed to be nice so Buddy and I have been able to sit back outside again and yesterday the gasman knocked on the door too saying he was here to read the gas meter (I don't even know where that is!) but he said he didn't know how to get to it (it's outside)as the bushes and shrubs were blocking it but he just eventually just went thru them and I hope he didn't get lost in there or eaten alive by mosquitoes but I never heard back from him...

Yesterday the 29 YR old also surprised me with a bag 'o weed from his boss which would easily be 6-7 grams....after I just spent some 65$ on some, oh,well, at least this way I'll have a "back-up" in case I ever run low again, and he turns 30 next month,too, and now he bemoans that he's "getting 'old'" ( how does he think *I* feel at 57?)and for the past few days I've also had alot of signs I was told before in a revelation I'd have just before I die,too: for the past few days I keep seeing a Monarch butterfly several times a day plus my Angel Bird daily,too(after not seeing him for awhile) and heard Stairway To Heaven 2 days in a row and yesterday I even saw a double rainbow on a blog I read,too; she had taken a photo of it on a pasture on her farm...so does that mean I AM going to die soon then? I sure hope so because I've been ready for a long time now, wanting to finally be free of a life of constant daily pain where I'm NOT loved or wanted and I'm constantly berated and belittled and excluded and told I only always "make everything worse" and even my own family doesn't want me around and everyone else would be better off without me and would able to start a new chapter and start over again,too.

I still can't figure out though what exactly I did that was so bad why everyone always hates me, my kids want nothing to do with me, everyone always says I'm so "annoying" and unlikeable and unlovable, and everyone thinks I'm this terrible, horrible, awful person when I DO try; I try so hard, and I mean well and have good intentions and I want to be a good person and do the right thing and follow God...somehow it just always seems to go wrong and backfire and get taken the wrong way and I'm misunderstood and with my autism I just seem to rub people the "wrong way" and I'm always excluded and on the outside looking in, always bullied and left out. I wish I WAS someone else and I'm sorry for being me and pray for forviveness but I really don't know who else(or what else) to be. I also heard on the news 2 people were killed and another in critical condition from an assault at a homeless encampment and so-called "safe" injection site in Kingston and now the mayor wants them both shut down. That's another reason I much prefer to live in the past,too; the world was a much safer place then,too, as well as happier.

Every memory of looking out the back door I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor It's hard to say it, time to say it Goodbye, goodbye.-Nickelback