Sunday, October 13, 2024

I'm Retarded.

I found this on Quora  and something in it just hit me like-BAM!-that's me!


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That’s a new one! That might be just the label I was looking for to settle this confusion of what “label” to give myself.

I had an ex tell me I wasn’t emotionally intelligent, as her emotions led her to fuck my best friend, and cousin.

I’ve had therapist tell me it’s CPTSD, and Co-dependency, but I like the label “emotionally retarded” much, much better.

It covers all aspects of the emotions I have trouble controlling, and understanding. What a great way to minimize, and justify my disastrous choices in life other than being a fucking “emotional retard!”

So, how can you too, become “emotionally retarded?”

I think it comes with too much self awareness. But what sets someone on a path to self awareness? Usually a bunch of trauma.

Now hang on a second, I’m not tooting my own horn for awareness, because self awareness doesn’t mean shit.

But it can lead you to a life time of misery in my opinion. As you become obsessed to fix yourself, and possibly others.

Everything in my “emotionally retarded” mind needs to have a reason, or explanation.

Why do people act the way they do? Why do they cheat, lie and say they love when their actions so differently? How can someone say the nicest things one minute, only to turn against you the next. Why do I react in hurtful ways?Why do I continue to self destruct when I know it will eventually kill me? Why do I pick, and stay with people where I spend 90% of the relationship trying to prove my worth?

Sometimes there is no need to seek any more awareness. Some people you will never understand, especially if you are emotionally retarded like me.

When you have lived chaos since birth, and chased it your whole life, there will be some consequences. And with the consequences you will try to explain, and express the consequences to others. But they don’t have time for your retardedness.

On a serious note, horrible abuse to a highly sensitive person destroys their emotions, it doesn’t make them retarded.

But sometimes I feel that way.


 

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I'm Retarded.

I found this on Quora   and something in it just hit me like- BAM! - that's me ! Chris Freyler  ·  Follow Writer at  Medium The Company ...