I found this on Quora and I was like, "Holy f*ck! Is this soooo TRUE!" I know exactly what they mean and what it feels like. It describes my hubby and I perfectly.
ASD CPTSD, ex religious covert narcissist alienated children15h
List of how to spot a true victim of narcissistic abuse versus a fake victim (the perpetrator):
Signs of a True Victim of Narcissistic Abuse:
1. Health Issues from Chronic Stress:
- True victims often experience physical health issues caused by prolonged stress.
- In my case, I have dealt with severe health conditions like my 1 cm kidney stone and anxiety, which were neglected by the ex-husband.
- Chronic inflammatory pain conditions, that affected the bowels and bladder.
- I was also worn down by constant emotional and mental abuse.
2. Emotional and Mental Trauma:
- Victims often express their deep emotional pain and trauma.
- I've shared how ex-husband control, manipulation, and alienation tactics, like putting the children in school care and keeping me away from them, have left me feeling completely drained and devastated.
3. Long-Term Isolation:
- Narcissists isolate their victims from support systems, which I've experienced firsthand.
- He kept me from seeing friends, going to wedding and functions.
- Made me think my family was toxic.
- He isolated me by restricting my access to the children, locking me out of the home, and taking back the car.
- He even blocked me from financial support, claiming Centrelink would affect his payments.
4. Consistent Effort to Fix the Situation:
- True victims tend to try and repair the relationship, even when they’re being hurt.
- Despite all the mistreatment, I pleaded to spend time with my children, and I tried to get support from legal aid and other avenues, showing that I wanted to resolve the situation.
5. Feelings of Guilt and Self-Blame:
- A real victim often feels guilty or blames themselves for things that are beyond their control.
- I’ve expressed that he and others labeled me as selfish or rude when I was simply trying to take care of my kids and mysyself, leaving me doubting my actions.
6. Exhaustion and Burnout:
- Constant abuse leads to burnout and exhaustion.
- I was not ever allowed to sit and rest, he would get furious if I did.
- I've talked about being physically and emotionally drained from dealing everything the ex-husband put me through.
7. Unseen Efforts Behind the Scenes:
- True victims frequently make efforts that go unnoticed.
- I've spent years taking care of my children and keeping the household running, despite not getting the recognition or support I needed.
- The ex-husband and his family ignored my contributions and treated you poorly.
Signs of a Fake Victim (The Perpetrator):
1. Control Over the Narrative:
- Perpetrators manipulate the story to make themselves look like the victim.
- He portrayed me as an unfit mother, gathered biased evidence, and claimed I didn’t love him—all while you I was the one suffering and trying to hold things together.
2. Smear Campaigns:
- Narcissists often launch smear campaigns to damage the victim’s reputation.
- He alienated me from the children, used school care as a tool, and had others keep tabs on me, ensuring I looked like the problem while he controlled the situation.
3. Manipulation of Professionals:
- Fake victims (narcissists) often use systems like family services to support their narrative.
- He involved services under the guise of helping me, but his real goal was control and to undermine me, making me seem like the issue.
4. Lack of Genuine Emotion or Vulnerability:
- Perpetrators don’t express genuine emotional vulnerability.
- While I’ve been open about my pain, trauma, and struggles, the ex-husband likely maintains a cold or controlled demeanor, only showing vulnerability when it benefits his agenda (e.g., playing the victim in front of professionals).
ASD CPTSD, ex religious covert narcissist alienated children15hList of how to spot a true victim of narcissistic abuse versus a fake victim (the perpetrator):
Signs of a True Victim of Narcissistic Abuse:
1. Health Issues from Chronic Stress:
- True victims often experience physical health issues caused by prolonged stress.
- In my case, I have dealt with severe health conditions like my 1 cm kidney stone and anxiety, which were neglected by the ex-husband.
- Chronic inflammatory pain conditions, that affected the bowels and bladder.
- I was also worn down by constant emotional and mental abuse.
2. Emotional and Mental Trauma:
- Victims often express their deep emotional pain and trauma.
- I've shared how ex-husband control, manipulation, and alienation tactics, like putting the children in school care and keeping me away from them, have left me feeling completely drained and devastated.
3. Long-Term Isolation:
- Narcissists isolate their victims from support systems, which I've experienced firsthand.
- He kept me from seeing friends, going to wedding and functions.
- Made me think my family was toxic.
- He isolated me by restricting my access to the children, locking me out of the home, and taking back the car.
- He even blocked me from financial support, claiming Centrelink would affect his payments.
4. Consistent Effort to Fix the Situation:
- True victims tend to try and repair the relationship, even when they’re being hurt.
- Despite all the mistreatment, I pleaded to spend time with my children, and I tried to get support from legal aid and other avenues, showing that I wanted to resolve the situation.
5. Feelings of Guilt and Self-Blame:
- A real victim often feels guilty or blames themselves for things that are beyond their control.
- I’ve expressed that he and others labeled me as selfish or rude when I was simply trying to take care of my kids and mysyself, leaving me doubting my actions.
6. Exhaustion and Burnout:
- Constant abuse leads to burnout and exhaustion.
- I was not ever allowed to sit and rest, he would get furious if I did.
- I've talked about being physically and emotionally drained from dealing everything the ex-husband put me through.
7. Unseen Efforts Behind the Scenes:
- True victims frequently make efforts that go unnoticed.
- I've spent years taking care of my children and keeping the household running, despite not getting the recognition or support I needed.
- The ex-husband and his family ignored my contributions and treated you poorly.
Signs of a Fake Victim (The Perpetrator):
1. Control Over the Narrative:
- Perpetrators manipulate the story to make themselves look like the victim.
- He portrayed me as an unfit mother, gathered biased evidence, and claimed I didn’t love him—all while you I was the one suffering and trying to hold things together.
2. Smear Campaigns:
- Narcissists often launch smear campaigns to damage the victim’s reputation.
- He alienated me from the children, used school care as a tool, and had others keep tabs on me, ensuring I looked like the problem while he controlled the situation.
3. Manipulation of Professionals:
- Fake victims (narcissists) often use systems like family services to support their narrative.
- He involved services under the guise of helping me, but his real goal was control and to undermine me, making me seem like the issue.
4. Lack of Genuine Emotion or Vulnerability:
- Perpetrators don’t express genuine emotional vulnerability.
- While I’ve been open about my pain, trauma, and struggles, the ex-husband likely maintains a cold or controlled demeanor, only showing vulnerability when it benefits his agenda (e.g., playing the victim in front of professionals).
It’s harder to accept your child rejecting you than if they die.-Gail Martinez
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