White Christmas.

We got the snow yesterday so we'll have a white Christmas and last night I sat outside on the front veranda smoking mi weed looking at the Christmas lights ,watching the snow come down and I really needed something quiet, peaceful, serene, and calming to ground me and relax me. Last night when I was up in bed I also looked out my window for about an hour and just watched the snow falling down,too.The doctor also called and when I saw the hospital number on the phone my heart just sank; I was so afraid they were calling to say my mother had died but she wanted to talk to me about "plans"; saying that it's not uncommon in "the frail elderly" to never "come back" from this stage and just stay like that (as they "haven't got the reserves of someone younger and stronger to fight it")and she wanted to ask if she does "code" that they don't perform CPR or any life-saving/extraordinary measures and just let her go naturally(and she said she's "not competent and doesn't even know her name) as at the worst she'll be languishing in the hospital bed for the remainder of her life(however long that may be) or at "best" be confined to a wheelchair and oxygen( and said the machine is basically doing her breathing for her now anyway which is why she still remains in the ICU and now she has to be suctioned every 2 HRS and some days it was just once daily) and she'll "never go back to where she was before".

 Yet last summer when she had the kidney infection and C-Difficile she was in the hospital for 2 months and still did recover( although she also didn't have the pressurized oxygen support  or the NG tube) so you never really know ,and I'm not comfortable with that, esp. when she says she still wants to live, and euthanasia is out of the question(this Shithole is always pushing to kill the old, the ill,and the handicapped) and she said she "has to do what's best for her patient"  But *I* also have to do what's best for my mother(which is more personal) and even though I also don't want her to live like this for the rest of her life,either( which is no life, just merely existing) I also can't just stand by and just allow them to let her just die without at least trying to save her,either.

It doesn't feel right.

Like always I pray to God for wisdom, direction, guidance, and strength,

The 30 YR old's GF also spent the night( and for some weird reson he still refuses to admit she's his GF so would he prefer instead I just refer to her as his F*ck Buddy?) even though he knows I don't want them fornicating in the house and wish he would show some respect but it's so cute and sweet though(and it just makes me smile) to see them holding hands and giggling and laughing, and I also asked my hubby to pick me up some shortbread.....and he comes back with gingerbread instead, which I hate (yuck!!) and the house at the corner is still for rent,too(they never should have kicked the previous tenants out),so probably no renters around here can afford that much and if they could then they might as well just pay a mortgage for the same cost, and I thought that Sia, with her soulful Blues-y voice, was a Black woman too but when I checked out of curiousity I was surprised to find out she's actually a blonde White Australian so you can't always tell!HA!

I also took a Covid test yesterday since I feel worse than just with a regular cold and I wanted to be sure as I don't want to infect my mother and make her even sicker and it reminded me of taking pregnancy tests back in the day and it was negative so it must just be some other virus and last night I could actually smell the chicken and my insence and I heard The Pogues Fairytale Of New York on the radio too and for the part You're a cheap lousy faggot they'd changed it to You're lousy and haggard and yesterday the 30 YR old's boss also dropped off a Christmas gift for him which I think was nice( it was socks and a work shirt) which he already opened up I think was cheating as he's supposed to wait until Christmas and I wonder as well if it's really actually Elon Musk that's  going to be the real leader in USA and Trump is just merely the figurehead/puppet since Musk wasn't actually born in USA(he's actually from South Africa) and can't officially be President, and now asshole Donnie also wants to take over the Panama Canal and Greenland,too!

Hopefully the next assassin won't miss....

One line means the test is complete.

Two lines would be positive.

I also had this strange dream my hubby has a gay lover and I saw them together and was worried I'd get AIDS from that one time we did IT.

I also don't get a Christmas gift this year as the one my hubby ordered still hasn't arrived yet "thanks" to the mail strike and now huge backlog. F*ck you, Canada Post, you greedy bastards!

Kim Mitchell has this song "Ain't Life Amazing." No, not for me it isn't. It's cruel, harsh, unfair, and unforgiving.