Is This Goodbye?

I had to post this now as it can't wait until tomorrow because there might not even be a tomorrow.

Buddy had a biiiiig Clonic-Tonic seizure( formerly called Grand Mal) this afternoon around 3 pm. I was sitting here at my computer in my little nook and he was curled up beside me on the floor on his little cushion and I heard a banging noise I thought was him struggling to "right" himself up( he lays down and has a hard time standing back up again and he's long like a sausage so he tends to roll and I have to "flip" him upwards) but when I looked I could see he was in a full-blown seizure and loudly thrashing, eyes bulging, tongue hanging out, foaming at the mouth, really rigid and shaking violently. This was a bad one and a long one and the worst he's ever had yet. I thought this was It for sure and he was dying in my arms. He even did a big pee on me soaking me in the process but thankfully came out of it, and alive, but ever since is really disoriented and keeps pacing and wandering and walking around in circles and he keeps getting stuck and wedged in small or narrow spaces and I have to rescue him .Is it brain damage due to the seizure or whatever's causing it( cancer spread to the brain, perhaps?) or pre-death agitation?

A couple of hours later he also had another episode where he'd get all rigid and stiff and he'd bark every few seconds but seemed "out" of it, so likely a "smaller" seizure which he also came out of but he kept struggling and fighting it the entire time, refusing to give in to it or let go and he'd whine and snuggle in to me as tight as he could get, knowing I was there, and he'd whimper and lick my face. I kept petting him and let him know I was there and that I love him more than anything. He's honestly my entire life, my only reason for living, the only purpose, meaning, and joy in my life, my everything. He's the only one who loves me and all I have left.

I can't lose him.

Without him there will no longer be any light in my life.

As well, StatsCan called us and it was about the census we were "selected to participate in". Yeah, I remember that. Awhile ago I got something in the mail about it and I said Nope! We're NOT!  and tossed it into the garbage. I'm not interested in any nosy intrusive gov't survey but when they called (I can't believe the buggers actually followed up on it or even noticed!)my hubby answered and being the ever-dutiful sheeple  he co-operated, and we also got an odd message on our phone machine: they didn't say who it was for, just that they're a law firm so I thought holy shit!  for who.....and why? Is it my mother's creditor's coming after the house? Is it my hubby secretly filing for divorce? Is it just about the 30 YR old's GF's lawsuit,for him to testify as a witness, or what, but my hubby said it was actually for him; at work their "new management" is trying to force them to all come in to work instead of working from home offices like they've been doing for years so now  they're filing a wrongful dismissal.

Oh, f*ck!

Now this, too?

I also asked the 30 YR old if his GF's parents are hillbillies since they gave her such an obvious hillbilly name and he goes, No....they're nice; I don't think they're hillbillies... and I told him, It doesn't mean they can't still be nice; they can be nice hillbillies! 

If you don’t die, others you care about will.-Harry Keller