Buddy Waits For Me.

I found this on Facebook:

“Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....”

 

Daily Musing.

 

Not Himself.

Beja is still not himself.

 He's acting like he's either in pain or afraid and I wish I knew what was happening with him. He didn't play, eat, or pee( that I know of,anyway, other than the 2 times he peed on me when I picked him up) and he would randomly just bolt upright and shriek out of nowhere and run off in fear and hide. He'll yelp, tremble and shake and stay in bed and is very skittish( like a rabbit) and jumpy and always on high alert and he never used to be like that( just the usual high-strung Chihuahua such as startling at loud noises but nothing like this; it's like he's so fearful now and I have no reason why) it almost seems like he's even afraid of me now even though I've never hit him or been abusive in any way and it just breaks my heart; he'll run away and hide. I wonder what it is though? I checked him gently touching all over to see what hurts and he didn't flinch or yelp so he doesn't seem to have pain so it must be anxiety or fear, but why?

I wonder if something happened that I'm not aware of to make him suddenly act like this? It's almost as if someone cast a spell on him and changed his entire personality from loving, nuzzling and cuddly to fearful and skittish, to suddenly make him so fearful, so I wonder if maybe there's some change in my "aura" or something and he can sense it? Maybe I'm dying and he can sense my spirit starting to separate from my body and it's freaking him out, or maybe I had another seizure during the night again and it traumatized him, or maybe even in doing so I even hit or kicked him in my thrashing , or I accidenly rolled over on him in bed during my sleep and squished him or something and now he's afraid of me and I have to work on earning that trust and bond back again? Was he possibly stung by a wasp( there's lots out there now) or what, and it scared him? I don't know what it could be and why he's suddenly so fearful and it breaks my heart; my own dog is afraid of me.

The one who used to love me the most.

It makes me feel like a monster and now I want to die even more.

Yesterday he not only didn't even play like he usually does but no "Zoomies" like usual either  and he no longer gets up and follows me around anymore everywhere like he used to either,and he didn't even bark back at other yappy dogs outside like he always does either but just ignored it but at least the good /signs of him of still being his "Old" self somewhere in there  is he did  greet the 30 YR old with his toy in his mouth to play when he briefly stopped by yesterday and he still got mad and defended me when my hubby tried to grab my boob....

I just wish I knew what's wrong with him and what's happened. 

It's like something dimmed his light and almost as if his spirit's been broken.

It feels like I'm losing my dog.

Yesterday I also heard on the radio there's a dinner somewhere( likely a church or community centre) serving Borscht, pierogies, cabbage rolls, garlic sausage, and poppyseed cake and it sounds delicious and just the stuff I love and used to make and it must be either Russian, Polish, or Ukrainian, and I was also horrified to see so many racist Canadians in Twitter  being so awful as well, saying if they hear an "India voice" on the other end of the phone they'll hang up and if they go to a Tim Hortons ( or any restaurant or business) for example and the people working there are "brown" they'll walk right out. 

How absolutely awful.

I really hate this place so much.

I- will be watching over you I- am gonna help to see it through I- will protect you in the night I- am smiling next to you....-Queensryche

 

Truth For Today.

 

Worried & Disappointed.

Just the usual in my life: worry, stress, and disappointment:

First off, I'm worried about Beja: this morning when I went to pick him up  he loudly kept yelping in pain ,shivering(he even peed on me!),and ran off cowering in a corner and now he's off hiding under the couch and never even did his Dog Jog  this morning and he keeps shaking in pain so I wonder what it is? Something obviously hurts him when he's picked up or touched but I wonder what it can be, esp. since he was ok yesterday? It's just so sad and I gave him some liquid Tylenol  to feel better but I hope it's nothing serious and that he doesn't die. I can't take any more death or loss; my mother in December, Buddy in April....I just can't take losing Beja,too.(and he's so young,too; at least my mother and Buddy were old) and I can't lose someone else I love, and he's the one who's helping me heal. If I lose him as well that will just push me right over the edge and this time I'll have to make sure I get it right and no margin for error; like electrocute myself or set myself on fire because there's simply nothing left anymore and no reason to live.

I also got a notice  last night in my e-mail from the travel agency about a Jamaica resort last minute deal( 9 September) I've been waiting for to return to my spiritual home for years... with any luck hopefully I'll die there as well....for half price, a good price too like Cuba or Dominican Republic......so I got all excited and was going to contact my travel agent today and book it....it was what I've been waiting for and I haven't been away for 2 years or so and I really need a break,(my hubby goes when I told him, One way?... ha... I wish! ) esp. lately having lost my mother and Buddy I really need to get away for a week.....but then when I checked more into it it wasn't all-inclusive like they normally are; it just incl. the airfare and resort but NOT meals, so forget it.

Disappointed and let-down like always.

The story of my life.

I also like these shirts( shown above) and the youngest came back from camping last night even though I was told not until today so I never had any food cooked and saved for him, and there was yet another school shooting in USA,too, this one at a  Catholic school as they were celebrating Mass, giving a new meaning to the term Mass Shooting and my hubby said I have to switch the laundry detergent I use because the 30 YR old's GF is "allergic to the sheets" and thinks it's the detergent I use.

Pfffffft.

Really?

I happen to like  the detergent pods I use and they don't leave any residue like the powder does. I'm not switching my laundry routine just because his GF doesn't like it.She doesn't even live here. She shouldn't even be sleeping over here. How about this instead: how about he just washes his bedsheets separately himself using whatever special detergent he wants?  I also was saying how math is the bane of my existance and my hubby said he thought he was, and I told him he is the human version of a migraine, and a blog I read the mother in her mid-40's is prego and has really baaaaad sickness even still into her second trimester and one of her girls has taken a semester off college to help her out. Isn't that nice though? My kids would just leave me to die.

If you don't like refugees - stop bombing their countries.-Khaled Beydoun

 

Weekend Words.

Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

I have him and he has me.

Hopefully soon.

Life goes on.

Before it all went to shit.

If she really doesn't want to live. Don't force her to live.-Melissa Lauzon